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The girls and I are soon headed to Cedar Campus for a much needed vacation.  I desperately need time and contemplation to wrap my heart around Heather's recent diabetes diagnosis.  She is so angry with God, and my heart is so full of grief for her.  I need this time to wrestle with God and make my peace with this situation.  I am struggling so much.  I feel like Job.  I feel like there is a target on our backs.  I want to look at God and say, "Really?  Just how much more do you think we can take?"

I know from my cancer experience that God can do some pretty amazing things with an awful health diagnosis.  He has used my cancer battle and survival over and over and over in spite of me!  But I just can't seem to see that with Heather's diabetes...and she, of course, cannot either.  I wonder at times if my inability to deal with it hinders her...so I have to get my act together.

As you all know, the divorce is final but some of the financial details are not resolving themselves as I had hoped.  I was able to replace the van with a used Toyota Hybrid Pruis, which has provided me with a significant gas savings.  However, I still owe Lutheran Hospital almost $3000 and my lawyer almost $4800. 

The divorce settlement money will not cover all of those expenses plus the car, so I am planning to pay off the lawyer and the hospital and then pay as much on the car as I can so I have a very low monthly payment. 

It was my hope to be debt free when the divorce was final, but that is obviously not going to happen.  I am angry that I am paying for a divorce I did not want.   I am very grateful that God is continuing to provide as my recent ambulance bill of over $600 from February was written off by the fire department due to my financial situation.

Fortunately, Heather's recent diagnosis brought Dave and I closer as the children's parents.  We have worked incredibly well together juggling this new normal.  I am very happy about that.  He has moved on into a relationship with a new man, and he is happy.  

I told the kids this spring that Dave has done, is doing and is going to do things that upset me, and I am sure I will do the same to him...but I also explained that my ultimate responsibility when he upsets me is to choose how I am going to respond and to choose forgiveness.  I also told them that I truly care about their dad, and I just want him to be happy.

So the battles are over, hopefully for the most part.  We have put down the swords and have joined hands to move forward the best we can as the kids' parents.  I am really proud of us for doing so.  He really is a great dad, but like us all, has things to work on.  He and Amy are still alienated from each other by her choice.  I have nudged him and coached him to reach out to her, but he doesn't seem to get the idea.  Please pray that in time Amy will make her peace with him.

I am also extremely grateful that I took the plunge and actually went on a few dates this past year.  I recently met a very wonderful man, and we are enjoying getting to know each other.

Please pray for our week at camp....that God would refresh and renew us, give me a better perspective on Heather's situation and would give me peace and wisdom about my finances.