I was thinking about a million things at once, including how to stretch my finances since I had unexpectedly received almost $200 in medical bills this past week.
I ended up hitting a pothole and getting not one, but two flat tires!
It only added to the stress, and I ended up with a migraine later in the day. Needless to say, I did not make it to the band competition.
It was a wake up call that I was just stretched too thin. I was constantly rushing and short-tempered with the ones I love the most.
Band is over this weekend, and I had already been wearily anticipating the next season of Amy's winter color guard. Practice and auditions for that start a week after band ends. Competitions are almost every weekend January through the first of March.
And I realized I just can't do it all any more.
I had recently turned in Winter Guard paperwork and said I could chaperon on the buses for the competitions. I just emailed the color guard directors and told them I am not going to be able to chaperon this year after all.
When Dave and I separated, I was still only working 7-3 at the high school and was able to continue my heavy commitment with band and color guard. Last fall I started my new job and but did not keep up with the same level of involvement due to my health issues and hospital stays.
This year is the first year I have been working full time and trying to maintain the same level of volunteering with the band and with the color guard. I have been stretched very, very thin, which makes it harder and harder for me to be the mom I want to be. I am also concerned that if I keep up with the same level of involvement, I will end up with further health issues. So it was with a heavy heart that I stepped back.
And I was instantly relieved....which gave me peace with the decision....a very good clue that it was a right decision!
And bless Amy's heart...she completely understood. She lovingly looked at me and said, "Mom, I understand. Just do what you can."
I think, hope and pray that as I stumble through these crossroads that I am giving my kids a good example of balancing this tightrope walk we call life.