I need your prayers this week.
Without even planning it or thinking it through, I somehow ended up with a somewhat routine cancer screening test and the divorce mediation proceedings all in the same week.
Once you have cancer, the "routine" screenings never feel routine. They often bring back a roller coaster of emotions, and it is hard to go through without a spouse. Dave was always by my side for these scary appointments, and now of course, he is not. My appointment is Monday at 5:30 p.m., so please pray for a calm spirit for me.
Then our mediation is Thursday afternoon at 1:30 p.m. Please, if you can, set an alarm on your phone for that time, so that I can be covered in prayer. This is not going to be a smooth or easy process as Dave is not being very cooperative regarding his perception of our financial obligations to each other and the kids.
That being said, I do not regret marrying Dave. Looking back with perspective, though, I realize it was an uphill battle I was never going to win. There were a lot of warning signs from the beginning, but we did have some happy years together. I gained some wonderful brothers-in-law and their families...we are still very close and even continue to celebrate holidays and family events together I also have three great kids to show for it all.
The even better news is now that I am through the worst of the shock of Dave's affairs, I am so much more emotionally healthy. For example, this time last year I was so depressed that I could hardly get my wits together to drive Heather to the downtown library to get a book for her science project. It took all the mental energy I had just to remember how to get there…that’s how sick I was.
Today, I am helping manage a multi-million dollar budget at work, learning and understanding the manufacturing process that I purchase items for, working with and developing over 30+ suppliers, working with our quality engineers to write a supplier quality manual, evaluating and bringing in new suppliers, assisting with expense-reducing efforts and helping my work place through some very difficult financial times.
My journalism degree, which this time last year I thought was good-for-nothing in a post-9/11 media world, has served me again and again and again in the workplace. I have even begun a photography business on the side to help pay the bills. All the while I have been continuing to take care of all of my crazy health needs, continuing to navigate and ever-increasingly un-patient centered medical system, applying for financial assistance whenever I can and paying the bills.
What I thought was all for nothing in my skills and education, God re-defined and re-purposed.
I really did feel that way last July right before I got my job. I was applying for rent assistance through our township trustees, utility assistance through a local social service agency, food stamps and Indiana government-provided health-care. I was truly at the end of my rope...but as God always does, He rescued me just in time.
Please pray this week that I can rely on God with confidence. After all, look what He has done so far. I think I will print out this blog and re-read it throughout the week to simply remind myself of God's incredible provision for me thus far. He has brought me this far, and I am sure, even though I feel faint at heart, that He will continue to carry me through.