Busy Season/Mattters of the Heart

The last 6 months have been busy with good and bad stressors…welcome to the reality of life, right?!? 

Throughout the spring and summer I continued to become more acclimated to my job…the more I have learned the more I have contributed.  Not a week goes by that I don't receive a hug and sometime tears from a grateful client.  It is stressful, demanding work but is rewarding and fulfilling.  I have had to work very hard not to take the work home with me emotionally…so far I have done well.  

This spring and summer was a whirlwind with Heather’s high school graduation, Amy’s college graduation, our vacation to Cedar Campus, and then Amy and Jonathan’s engagement there.  

This summer Stephen and Jenna also moved to Salt Lake City, Utah for their work as a school psychologist and 5^th grade teacher, respectively.  They have adjusted well and are enjoying many great outdoor excursions!  You can read more about their adventures in Jenna's blog, aptly named Hoosier Hospitalitea.   

It was hard to adjust to Heather being at Purdue, but I am getting better at it.  Cooking for one is not easy!  Heather's cat is very needy and misses Heather....so the cat drives me nuts on a daily basis!  She thinks she needs to be petted 24-7!

Happily, I am busy with wedding plans, and I was honored to take Amy and Jonathan's engagement pictures in July.  Amy is currently working as an intern at Audubon's Audubon's Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary in Naples, Florida until April.  Jonathan finishes his last Purdue classes in May, and we have a June 30 wedding!

I moved at the end of September to a smaller apartment, which I love, in a complex named Willow Creek Crossing.  I finally unpacked the last box this past month, and I made numerous trips to Goodwill throughout the whole process.  I was blessed with the opportunity to give away so many things to another single mom.  It was such a gift to be the one giving.  My new salary allowed me to even buy a new couch, recliner, and desk, which better fit my smaller space. 

I admit I wore myself out a bit packing prior to the move, but I had a lot of help.  Heather asked me how I was going to move when all my friends were old….LOL!  My “old” friends from all parts of my life (band-mom friends, former swim lesson parents, Bible study friends) came and helped me pack.  One of them was retired, and I could hardly keep up with her!  The best part was that I had almost all of the small stuff packed and moved or ready to move by the time the movers arrived.

God continued to provide throughout the whole process.  A friend of mine had just moved, so she saved me all of her boxes.  Another friend works at the Kroger produce department and she saved me produce boxes.  Another friend works in the shipping/receiving department at her company, so she saved me used bubble wrap.  So I spent no money on packing supplies except for packing tape!

I prayed and prayed about how to figure out how to hire or find someone to move the furniture and larger items.  Finally during a time of prayer, God put the idea of looking on Craigslist for a mover and calling that person!  I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard, but I did it.  I called the first person I found, chickened out, and hung up without leaving a message.  The man called my number back and through further conversations, I found out he is a Christian AND a pastor.  The entire time the mover and his team was moving me, we all had the most amazing conversations.  He was preaching to my new neighbors and Heather before it was all over.  Anyone who crossed his path ended up learning more about Jesus. He ended up only charging me $500 for the move, and I am sure God laughed at my doubt!

My health has continued to be very good.  The only problem I have had is that I took a nasty fall while in downtown Fort Wayne in October and almost broke my ribs.  I literally tripped over my own feet!  I was just recovering from an asthma flare (which is normal in the fall for me) so post-injury coughing was brutal.  When I fell I didn’t realize how badly I was hurt until I got to work and felt dizzy.  The clinic staff was lining up for our annual flu shots, and a patient service rep took one look at me and made me sit down.  The next thing I knew a nurse came to check my pupils, another checked my blood pressure, and another bandaged my ankle that I somehow cut during the fall.  Someone else even picked leaves out of my hair!  I was able to see a doctor at the clinic that same day, and no bones were broken.

The pain ebbed and flowed, and I doing quite well for a while.  I was even able to visit my dear friends Dave and Jan Esch, friends from Cedar Campus, for a weekend.  However, in the following days I was in so much pain I went for x-rays and pain medicine.  I was physically limited and in pain when I tried to carry something or go up and down stairs and even driving using my right arm.  I had continued to see my chiropractor and at my first exam we noticed how swollen my back, arm, and chest was.  My right shoulder looked as though someone hit it with a baseball bat.  Even though I have health insurance at my new job, it is not as good as I have had in the past.  So I have more medical bills…sigh…but I have always with God’s help worked that out in the past.  The good news is that I am much improved even though my family doctor said that it could take 6 months for the ribs to completely heal.

During the move and the injury, feelings of discontent crept in.  Being hurt, I struggled with the last of the unpacking, with soaking in the bathtub and getting stuck (I couldn’t move due to the pain), with trying to hang pictures and shelves.  I remember crying out to God for a helpmate…not a husband or a serious relationship…just a helpmate.  After all I have been through and at this season of self-confidence in my life, with Jesus' help I am a force to be reckoned with….so I wondered if the ongoing pain and the discontent were spiritual attack.  Through this discontentment, I foolishly re-connected with a man I had previously dated, and it just didn't work out (more about that later).

So I continue on enjoying my job, participating in church activities and a Bible study, and adjusting to an empty nest.  This article does a great job explaining what it is like to go through the empty nest season as a single parent. 

 "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus," Phillipians 4:9.

God's Stunning and Unexpected Provision

In my last post I shared that I had returned to work in December after two weeks off due to the enormous stress I was experiencing.  To be honest, I went back to work far sooner than I should have due to the fact that I was out of paid sick time.  I was very concerned about my finances even though the company had me apply for disability pay.  I did receive pay for the entire time I was off, but pending the disability claim I was in a position where I could have possibly owed the company over $1400 if the claim did not get approved.  I filed the claim and stashed away as much as I could to cover the potential hit to my household finances and unwisely returned to work.

I did not truly realize until the end of February that I went back to work way too soon.  I had not recovered at all, but I kept foolishly relying on my own self-sufficiency.  Even with my doctor required "reduced hours" of 50-53 hours a week I was struggling immensely.  

My sinful foolishness came to light when I participated in a women's Discipleship Walk retreat at the end of February, sponsored by The Chapel, a Fort Wayne church.  My ostomy surgeon and her surgery scheduler have become precious friends in Christ, and the previous fall they both encouraged me to attend....so I registered not knowing that in God's amazing timing, He had incredible soul and heart work to do in me by the time I attended.  

At the retreat I had amazing roommates and new friends with whom I laughed and cried with all weekend.  They had eye-opening, unbiased perspective and advice.  One of my roomates asked how much sick pay I had left, and I realized at the beginning of 2018 I had earned an additional six weeks with this year's benefits.  Throughout the weekend, God used the retreat discussions, study, and workshops along with my new-found friends, my roommates, my study group, and my study leader to make me realize I needed to take at least some of that well-earned time off to handle my increased depression and anxiety.  My roomates even role-played with me to rehearse my discussion with my work medical department nurse when I went to work the following Monday.

During the weekend, God told me for the umpteenth time that my call to my job had ended.  In my fear over finances and the loss of job-security, I stupidly had ignored God for far too long.  Even my counselor repeatedly tried to advise me to leave my job, but I was simply too afraid to leave and forfeit my severance package without another job in place.  Throughout the weekend, I realized that I had allowed myself to become a person I did not recognize.  I wept when I realized that in my stubborn efforts to stick it out, I had gone into an emotional survival mode.  I was stuck...emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially....or so I thought.  In a stunning vision during a time of prayer, I saw my self literally chained to my desk at work...and God marched in and broke the chains with an ax...and the walls of the building fell down.  I was free!  Free from my disobedience and free from my fear.

The following Monday I went to work, not having a clue how this was all going to work out.  I went straight to our medical department and shared with my company nurse about my depression and anxiety.  She took great compassion on me and confirmed what my new friends were all praying for...that I needed to take medical time off.  She lead me to a private office so I could make the appropropriate phone calls to our employee assistance program, and then I literally walked out of the building.  I was in a daze.  I got home and called my psychiatrist, and he miraculously had an appointment that very day.  The rest of the day went by in a haze.

My daughter Heather had just headed back to her dad's house for the next two weeks, and I was grateful for the time alone.  I literally slept most days the first two weeks.  I was absolutely exhausted and simply had no energy for the smallest task.

Throughout Heather's and my health issues we have adopted The Spoon Theory to manage our energy level and to communicate it to each other and others as needed.  The Spoon Theory is a metaphor used to explain the reduced amount of  energy available for activities for daily living and productive tasks that may result from disability or chronic illness...a person who runs out of spoons has no choice but to rest until his or her spoons are replenished.  The Spoon Theory applies to mental illness too.  I was very aware of what spoons I had each day....and in the beginning of my time off I did not have very many spoons in a given day at all, and I literally fasted from the world.

I continued to meet with my psychiatrist and counselor to make necessary medicine changes, and as I felt better would get out and about a little more...but always watching how much physical and emotional energy I had.  In later weeks I was able to travel out of town with Heather for a two-day robotics competition and also see her through an outpatient surgery to remove a cyst from her back.  Her recovery and post-op care was much more difficult than expected, and she has ended up permanently at my house for the time-being.  She was in recovery all of spring break and missed an entire week of school.  She returned to school for 1/2 days and then returned to full days.  I rested as much as possible when she was at school in order to be able to help her as needed when she came home for the day.

Surprisingly, I did have days when I did have a lot of energy.  On those days, I worked with a friend who works at her own human resources firm to update my resume.  She charged me no fees, and she even helped me network and connected my with some important contacts, one of which ended up getting me a phone interview at a local healthcare organization, Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc., the very organization that I used as the basis for my MBA Healthcare Administration thesis!


 Immediately at the end of the phone interview I was offered an opportunity for an in-person interview!  I was out of sick time and recovered and would need to return to work the following Monday.  I had no idea what God was doing regarding the interview and during much of the time I was off, but I was prepared to resign from my current job and take money from a retirement account until I could find another job.

I had the in-person interview at the clinic on Friday, April 6, and returned to work on Tuesday, April 10.  Then I had a job offer on Friday, April 13!  I resigned from my current job on Monday, April 16, and my last day was Friday, April 27.  I started my new job as the Outreach and Enrollment Coordinator for Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc.. Monday, April 30!

I manage of staff of two people as well as several volunteers to coordinate the center's insurance enrollment process as people sign up for federal and state health insurance options as well as working outreach efforts for the clinic in medically underserved areas.  In the past several weeks I have assisted people from all walks of life in enrolling in insurance, in understanding their medical bills, and in navigating the healthcare system.

I still cannot believe the incredible God-given provision.  Who would have thought that when I started work on my project last September that God would orchestrate its use in getting me a new job doing something I absolutely love!?  And there is so much more to share, it is unbelievable.

When I returned to my old job after my sick time, I was given a raise and the entire year's raise was given to me in a lump sum...so $800 arrived in my bank account.  I was also told that the company had underpaid me for some overtime...and because I still likely owed the company money from my disability claim denial I then owed the company $234.  Days later, I won the disability denial appeal, and a check for over $1400 came in the mail!  I was even offered a considerable raise to take the job at the clinic!  I was able to use the money to pay off all my medical bills, replace my dying phone, and help Heather with some things she needed.  And shortly after I resigned, my former co-workers were told that their layoff date had been delayed again...further confirmation that getting out was the right move for me.

My  new job is a short 15-minute drive from my house (my previous job was over 30 minutes away).  I work 8-5 with an hour for lunch every day, and I have flex-time if I need to take care of personal appointments.  I walk at lunch for exercise, and I am able to work out at the gym 2-3 times a week.  To say I feel great is an understatement!  I have joyfully celebrated Amy's graduation from Purdue and Heather's graduation from high school.  I have had time to catch up with friends for Saturday breakfasts, pedicures, and evenings at Two EE's Winery.  I have been participating in my church's MeNu free weekly outreach meal by reading to the children who attend and will soon begin helping in our church's garden with the harvest being given to the MeNu participants this fall.

Who knew when I obediently took time away from the job that was killing me that God would provide for me so abundantly?  God continues to speak to me through daily Bible study and prayer.  On my last day of work during my Bible reading time, I "discovered" this verse.  God so obviously is working in my life, and I am content and completely satisfied relying on His will at last!

P.S. A Raise!?! 6/24/18
On Saturday 6/24/18 I receive a letter in the mail from my employer.  Naturally, I was curious about it, so I opened it right away.  I was shocked and stunned to learn that the board of the company had done a salary analysis across the organization recently because the board wanted to ensure that all pay levels were competitive....and I received a raise!