In my last post I shared that I had returned to work in December after two weeks off due to the enormous stress I was experiencing. To be honest, I went back to work far sooner than I should have due to the fact that I was out of paid sick time. I was very concerned about my finances even though the company had me apply for disability pay. I did receive pay for the entire time I was off, but pending the disability claim I was in a position where I could have possibly owed the company over $1400 if the claim did not get approved. I filed the claim and stashed away as much as I could to cover the potential hit to my household finances and unwisely returned to work.
I did not truly realize until the end of February that I went back to work way too soon. I had not recovered at all, but I kept foolishly relying on my own self-sufficiency. Even with my doctor required "reduced hours" of 50-53 hours a week I was struggling immensely.
My sinful foolishness came to light when I participated in a women's Discipleship Walk retreat at the end of February, sponsored by The Chapel, a Fort Wayne church. My ostomy surgeon and her surgery scheduler have become precious friends in Christ, and the previous fall they both encouraged me to attend....so I registered not knowing that in God's amazing timing, He had incredible soul and heart work to do in me by the time I attended. 
At the retreat I had amazing roommates and new friends with whom I laughed and cried with all weekend. They had eye-opening, unbiased perspective and advice. One of my roomates asked how much sick pay I had left, and I realized at the beginning of 2018 I had earned an additional six weeks with this year's benefits. Throughout the weekend, God used the retreat discussions, study, and workshops along with my new-found friends, my roommates, my study group, and my study leader to make me realize I needed to take at least some of that well-earned time off to handle my increased depression and anxiety. My roomates even role-played with me to rehearse my discussion with my work medical department nurse when I went to work the following Monday.
During the weekend, God told me for the umpteenth time that my call to my job had ended. In my fear over finances and the loss of job-security, I stupidly had ignored God for far too long. Even my counselor repeatedly tried to advise me to leave my job, but I was simply too afraid to leave and forfeit my severance package without another job in place. Throughout the weekend, I realized that I had allowed myself to become a person I did not recognize. I wept when I realized that in my stubborn efforts to stick it out, I had gone into an emotional survival mode. I was stuck...emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially....or so I thought. In a stunning vision during a time of prayer, I saw my self literally chained to my desk at work...and God marched in and broke the chains with an ax...and the walls of the building fell down. I was free! Free from my disobedience and free from my fear.
The following Monday I went to work, not having a clue how this was all going to work out. I went straight to our medical department and shared with my company nurse about my depression and anxiety. She took great compassion on me and confirmed what my new friends were all praying for...that I needed to take medical time off. She lead me to a private office so I could make the appropropriate phone calls to our employee assistance program, and then I literally walked out of the building. I was in a daze. I got home and called my psychiatrist, and he miraculously had an appointment that very day. The rest of the day went by in a haze.
My daughter Heather had just headed back to her dad's house for the next two weeks, and I was grateful for the time alone. I literally slept most days the first two weeks. I was absolutely exhausted and simply had no energy for the smallest task.
I continued to meet with my psychiatrist and counselor to make necessary medicine changes, and as I felt better would get out and about a little more...but always watching how much physical and emotional energy I had. In later weeks I was able to travel out of town with Heather for a two-day robotics competition and also see her through an outpatient surgery to remove a cyst from her back. Her recovery and post-op care was much more difficult than expected, and she has ended up permanently at my house for the time-being. She was in recovery all of spring break and missed an entire week of school. She returned to school for 1/2 days and then returned to full days. I rested as much as possible when she was at school in order to be able to help her as needed when she came home for the day.
Immediately at the end of the phone interview I was offered an opportunity for an in-person interview! I was out of sick time and recovered and would need to return to work the following Monday. I had no idea what God was doing regarding the interview and during much of the time I was off, but I was prepared to resign from my current job and take money from a retirement account until I could find another job.
I manage of staff of two people as well as several volunteers to coordinate the center's insurance enrollment process as people sign up for federal and state health insurance options as well as working outreach efforts for the clinic in medically underserved areas. In the past several weeks I have assisted people from all walks of life in enrolling in insurance, in understanding their medical bills, and in navigating the healthcare system.
I still cannot believe the incredible God-given provision. Who would have thought that when I started work on my project last September that God would orchestrate its use in getting me a new job doing something I absolutely love!? And there is so much more to share, it is unbelievable.
When I returned to my old job after my sick time, I was given a raise and the entire year's raise was given to me in a lump sum...so $800 arrived in my bank account. I was also told that the company had underpaid me for some overtime...and because I still likely owed the company money from my disability claim denial I then owed the company $234. Days later, I won the disability denial appeal, and a check for over $1400 came in the mail! I was even offered a considerable raise to take the job at the clinic! I was able to use the money to pay off all my medical bills, replace my dying phone, and help Heather with some things she needed. And shortly after I resigned, my former co-workers were told that their layoff date had been delayed again...further confirmation that getting out was the right move for me.
Who knew when I obediently took time away from the job that was killing me that God would provide for me so abundantly? God continues to speak to me through daily Bible study and prayer. On my last day of work during my Bible reading time, I "discovered" this verse. God so obviously is working in my life, and I am content and completely satisfied relying on His will at last!
P.S. A Raise!?! 6/24/18
On Saturday 6/24/18 I receive a letter in the mail from my employer. Naturally, I was curious about it, so I opened it right away. I was shocked and stunned to learn that the board of the company had done a salary analysis across the organization recently because the board wanted to ensure that all pay levels were competitive....and I received a raise!
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