Some photos from our trip to Cedar Campus in July.

The past few weeks have really been an emotional and spiritual struggle for me....but I have finally come to this realization: 

It may seem like life is coming at us in waves of trials...but all I have to do is read this blog to see how God has not forgotten us at all...ever.  He has always provided all that we need and more...maybe not in the way or the time I wanted the provision...but He has never let me down.

This verse is certainly true in my life: “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

Amy has been absolutely tireless in her constant encouragement to me....reminding me over and over to not doubt God. She recently bought me this plaque, which I will forever treasure.

After Heather’s diagnosis with diabetes I took a couple weeks off from teaching my church’s Preschool-Kindergarten Sunday School class.  When I came back, the kids were so happy to see me, but I was really struggling to come to grips with Heather’s diagnosis and my concerns about the divorce settlement funds and my finances.  

….but God in His infinite wisdom used lesson after lesson that I was teaching to help re-direct my heart.

The first week the lesson was about Joseph becoming a great ruler in Egypt years after his brothers sold him into slavery.  Joseph was in a position in the king’s household that allowed him to help stockpile food reserves.  God had given Joseph dreams that there would be a famine, so he wisely prepared for it.  By the time the famine struck, his brothers were without food and came to him for help.  They did not recognize him at first.  When they finally did recognize him, they were afraid...but Joseph forgave them and provided them with food and a place to live. (Genesis 42:1-8, 43:16, 45:1-28 and 46:5-7).

At the time of his enslavement, Joseph surely felt despair and likely could not see how God could possibly use his situation for good.  He simply didn’t have the perspective of time to see that the sad and terrifying situation was going to work out.  

God has done the very same thing with cancer in my life and with the divorce...I didn't see what good could come out of it at the time...but the good that has come has been immeasurable!

The next lesson was about Elijah in a time when again no food was growing.  God showed love to Elijah by leading him to a stream of water and sending him birds with food (I Kings 17:1-6).  I showed my students a $1 bill and explained to them how earlier this year God gave me 450 of them just when I needed it the most!  Their amazed faces were a treasure.  

I reminded them through my own personal stories and Elijah’s story that God always provides.

Our next lesson also involved Elijah.  God directed him to a poor widowed woman and her son to ask for flour and oil to make bread.  She told him that she only had enough for herself and her son, and she was afraid that if she shared there would not be enough for her family.

Elijah encouraged her to to make a little bread for him first and assured her that there would be enough flour and oil for the all.  So she made him some bread, emptying her jars of flour and oil.  After she made the bread for Elijah she looked into the containers and miraculously found more flour and oil.  Every day after that there was enough flour and oil.  The jar of flour and the pitcher of oil NEVER became empty. (1 Kings 17:7-16). 

This has truly happened to me...no matter what has happened these past two years, I have NEVER been left wanting or in need...God has ALWAYS come through financially.

I faithfully taught these lessons, but didn’t really let their personal meaning for me to sink in until the past week.

Today while at Cedar Campus on vacation, some friends of ours shared about their short-term missions work.  One of our friends has been involved in medical missions work.

For the first time I realized how fortunate we were to live in a country where we have access to everything Heather needs to stay well and healthy.  Had we lived in a Third World country or under-developed nation, she would be dead.  For the first time, I felt gratitude for her situation....it is a good perspective to have.

When we arrived here for vacation, I had the opportunity for some really nice talks with Stephen.  He is working here all summer as a camp counselor.  I told him that I was so weary of being taken to the edge even though God has always provided.  

My precious son lovingly said, “Mom, if the edge is where God is, why wouldn’t you want to be there with Him?”  I was speechless and felt totally schooled by my son and his wisdom!

Amy's encouragement has constantly pointed me to God when my faith has wavered. This led to the unique experience of her asking for a tattoo for her birthday. She designed it, asked Dave for permission and then asked me to get the tattoo as well...so I did. How could I deny my faithful daughter the opportunity to permanently show the world God's wonderful story in our lives? The tattoo artist we went to is also a Christian, and I shared some of our story with him. He was so excited to be a part of it. I told him it is a message that, God willing, will speak to others through Amy's life long after I depart this earth.

On a different note, I would like to thank all of the people who read this blog. It has gone absolutely viral and is being read by people all over the world. I am humbled and honored. Thank you for joining me in this journey.

Blessings to you all!

Check out these great videos of our favorite place on earth!  http://vimeo.com/58521907 http://vimeo.com/58645381

The girls and I are soon headed to Cedar Campus for a much needed vacation.  I desperately need time and contemplation to wrap my heart around Heather's recent diabetes diagnosis.  She is so angry with God, and my heart is so full of grief for her.  I need this time to wrestle with God and make my peace with this situation.  I am struggling so much.  I feel like Job.  I feel like there is a target on our backs.  I want to look at God and say, "Really?  Just how much more do you think we can take?"

I know from my cancer experience that God can do some pretty amazing things with an awful health diagnosis.  He has used my cancer battle and survival over and over and over in spite of me!  But I just can't seem to see that with Heather's diabetes...and she, of course, cannot either.  I wonder at times if my inability to deal with it hinders her...so I have to get my act together.

As you all know, the divorce is final but some of the financial details are not resolving themselves as I had hoped.  I was able to replace the van with a used Toyota Hybrid Pruis, which has provided me with a significant gas savings.  However, I still owe Lutheran Hospital almost $3000 and my lawyer almost $4800. 

The divorce settlement money will not cover all of those expenses plus the car, so I am planning to pay off the lawyer and the hospital and then pay as much on the car as I can so I have a very low monthly payment. 

It was my hope to be debt free when the divorce was final, but that is obviously not going to happen.  I am angry that I am paying for a divorce I did not want.   I am very grateful that God is continuing to provide as my recent ambulance bill of over $600 from February was written off by the fire department due to my financial situation.

Fortunately, Heather's recent diagnosis brought Dave and I closer as the children's parents.  We have worked incredibly well together juggling this new normal.  I am very happy about that.  He has moved on into a relationship with a new man, and he is happy.  

I told the kids this spring that Dave has done, is doing and is going to do things that upset me, and I am sure I will do the same to him...but I also explained that my ultimate responsibility when he upsets me is to choose how I am going to respond and to choose forgiveness.  I also told them that I truly care about their dad, and I just want him to be happy.

So the battles are over, hopefully for the most part.  We have put down the swords and have joined hands to move forward the best we can as the kids' parents.  I am really proud of us for doing so.  He really is a great dad, but like us all, has things to work on.  He and Amy are still alienated from each other by her choice.  I have nudged him and coached him to reach out to her, but he doesn't seem to get the idea.  Please pray that in time Amy will make her peace with him.

I am also extremely grateful that I took the plunge and actually went on a few dates this past year.  I recently met a very wonderful man, and we are enjoying getting to know each other.

Please pray for our week at camp....that God would refresh and renew us, give me a better perspective on Heather's situation and would give me peace and wisdom about my finances.

Tired...weary...exhausted...overwhelmed...these words don't even begin to cover how I am feeling as I am juggling a lot between work and home right now.

Heather is doing a great job of managing her diabetes with glucose testing, insulin shots and carb counting.  I, however, continue to be overwhelmed.  Poor Dave said it took him three hours just to grocery shop and label-read one week.

At times Heather is understandably very frustrated and angry.  She recently said, "Mom, if life had a face I would punch it!"

We went to church Sunday for the first time since her diagnosis.  We sat down, and I looked at the sermon notes and said, "I just can't do this."  She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I can't either."  I asked her if she wanted to leave and she said yes.  We went shopping instead...a little retail therapy...LOL.

She thanked me for being real and honest about my frustration with God about all that has happened to our family.  I told her if we can't be real with God, who can we be real with?  He can take it.

Dave and I have parented together very well through this, so much so that the nurse at the hospital couldn't believe we were divorced.  At the end of the day, we are still the kids' parents, and we know we have to push through our differences for their sake.  I am really proud of us for doing so.

Stephen is off at Cedar Campus working as a camp counselor for the summer, and Amy is busy volunteering at the zoo and looking for a summer job.  Heather is headed to Y camp for the week next week.  The camp staff has been fabulous about making changes to the menu for her and are very reassuring.  They have two nurses on staff 24-7, so she is probably in better hands with them than she is at home.

The most difficult part has been arranging childcare/supervision for her.  Because she is only 13, her doctor did not want her to be alone for two weeks.  Amy has carried most of the burden of that care and is resentful.  Wonderful friends from church have helped out, and some of Dave's friends have helped too.

We see her doctor tomorrow for a check up, and I hoping she can be a little more on her own now.  This has to be driving her nuts because she has no solitude.

The girls and I are all going to counseling together in a couple of weeks, even though they aren't thrilled about it.  We all just need to debrief and have some objective input that our counselor so often provides.  She sees solutions when all we see are problems.  I am living with two angry and frustrated teenage girls, so I need all the help I can get.

Please continue to pray for our family as we continue to adjust to this new hurdle.

The dust has finally settled with the divorce, and we are all moving forward with this new normal.

Then we were hit with a storm.  Our precious Heather, who is 13, became very ill over the past couple of days.  We ended up in the Lutheran Hospital ER last night, and she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

She has lost about 25 pounds over the last several months, and we just thought it was due to puberty.  She was very ill on Tuesday night, but after a day of IV fluids and insulin through the IV she is doing much better.

Dave, Amy, Heather and I spent the morning going through diabetes education and the afternoon going through diet education.  Glucose checks, carb counting and insulin shots will become a way of life for us all.

Since I was in the hospital in February, we have met our family deductible with our insurance...so all of our health care is 100% covered the rest of this year.  With the divorce, Dave and I realized it was cheaper for me stay on his insurance and pay the COBRA fees for it than it would be for me to start insurance at my new job and get hit with a $3000 deductible....so I am covered 100% as well.

As for the divorce, I am receiving enough settlement funds to pay my legal fees, pay off my medical bills, replace the van and put away some funds for retirement.  I have one remaining $640 bill for the ambulance in February and have applied for financial assistance to cover that.  Dave has agreed to pay whatever is left after I receive financial assistance.

Please pray for our family as we enter this new chapter in our lives with Heather's diabetes.  We are all often confused and overwhelmed, but through prayer and encouragement from many friends we have been able to stay strong for Heather.

Pray for me to let go and trust her that she can handle this.  It is so hard to realize she can't just walk out the front door, carefree without a worry in the world.  She will always have to keep medical tools and information with her.

She is an amazingly smart young lady and is, of course, fascinated by the science of it all.  She is determined to follow the doctor's directions as she does not want to wind up in the hospital any more than she has to.

I couldn't be more proud of her.

The divorce is over at last....I am at peace and without fear.  

I will share more in the days to come about God's continued provision, and some wonderful direction He gave me when I went on a recent retreat of silence and prayer.

"I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid...." Leviticus 26:6a NIV

The divorce will be final Monday at 10 a.m.  I am surprised by the overwhelming emotions...grief, relief, fear, sadness.  I must remember that the God who has carried me through these past difficult months will continue to do so.  God, please help me have "Faith Like Potatoes!"