Busy Season/Mattters of the Heart

The last 6 months have been busy with good and bad stressors…welcome to the reality of life, right?!? 

Throughout the spring and summer I continued to become more acclimated to my job…the more I have learned the more I have contributed.  Not a week goes by that I don't receive a hug and sometime tears from a grateful client.  It is stressful, demanding work but is rewarding and fulfilling.  I have had to work very hard not to take the work home with me emotionally…so far I have done well.  

This spring and summer was a whirlwind with Heather’s high school graduation, Amy’s college graduation, our vacation to Cedar Campus, and then Amy and Jonathan’s engagement there.  

This summer Stephen and Jenna also moved to Salt Lake City, Utah for their work as a school psychologist and 5^th grade teacher, respectively.  They have adjusted well and are enjoying many great outdoor excursions!  You can read more about their adventures in Jenna's blog, aptly named Hoosier Hospitalitea.   

It was hard to adjust to Heather being at Purdue, but I am getting better at it.  Cooking for one is not easy!  Heather's cat is very needy and misses Heather....so the cat drives me nuts on a daily basis!  She thinks she needs to be petted 24-7!

Happily, I am busy with wedding plans, and I was honored to take Amy and Jonathan's engagement pictures in July.  Amy is currently working as an intern at Audubon's Audubon's Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary in Naples, Florida until April.  Jonathan finishes his last Purdue classes in May, and we have a June 30 wedding!

I moved at the end of September to a smaller apartment, which I love, in a complex named Willow Creek Crossing.  I finally unpacked the last box this past month, and I made numerous trips to Goodwill throughout the whole process.  I was blessed with the opportunity to give away so many things to another single mom.  It was such a gift to be the one giving.  My new salary allowed me to even buy a new couch, recliner, and desk, which better fit my smaller space. 

I admit I wore myself out a bit packing prior to the move, but I had a lot of help.  Heather asked me how I was going to move when all my friends were old….LOL!  My “old” friends from all parts of my life (band-mom friends, former swim lesson parents, Bible study friends) came and helped me pack.  One of them was retired, and I could hardly keep up with her!  The best part was that I had almost all of the small stuff packed and moved or ready to move by the time the movers arrived.

God continued to provide throughout the whole process.  A friend of mine had just moved, so she saved me all of her boxes.  Another friend works at the Kroger produce department and she saved me produce boxes.  Another friend works in the shipping/receiving department at her company, so she saved me used bubble wrap.  So I spent no money on packing supplies except for packing tape!

I prayed and prayed about how to figure out how to hire or find someone to move the furniture and larger items.  Finally during a time of prayer, God put the idea of looking on Craigslist for a mover and calling that person!  I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard, but I did it.  I called the first person I found, chickened out, and hung up without leaving a message.  The man called my number back and through further conversations, I found out he is a Christian AND a pastor.  The entire time the mover and his team was moving me, we all had the most amazing conversations.  He was preaching to my new neighbors and Heather before it was all over.  Anyone who crossed his path ended up learning more about Jesus. He ended up only charging me $500 for the move, and I am sure God laughed at my doubt!

My health has continued to be very good.  The only problem I have had is that I took a nasty fall while in downtown Fort Wayne in October and almost broke my ribs.  I literally tripped over my own feet!  I was just recovering from an asthma flare (which is normal in the fall for me) so post-injury coughing was brutal.  When I fell I didn’t realize how badly I was hurt until I got to work and felt dizzy.  The clinic staff was lining up for our annual flu shots, and a patient service rep took one look at me and made me sit down.  The next thing I knew a nurse came to check my pupils, another checked my blood pressure, and another bandaged my ankle that I somehow cut during the fall.  Someone else even picked leaves out of my hair!  I was able to see a doctor at the clinic that same day, and no bones were broken.

The pain ebbed and flowed, and I doing quite well for a while.  I was even able to visit my dear friends Dave and Jan Esch, friends from Cedar Campus, for a weekend.  However, in the following days I was in so much pain I went for x-rays and pain medicine.  I was physically limited and in pain when I tried to carry something or go up and down stairs and even driving using my right arm.  I had continued to see my chiropractor and at my first exam we noticed how swollen my back, arm, and chest was.  My right shoulder looked as though someone hit it with a baseball bat.  Even though I have health insurance at my new job, it is not as good as I have had in the past.  So I have more medical bills…sigh…but I have always with God’s help worked that out in the past.  The good news is that I am much improved even though my family doctor said that it could take 6 months for the ribs to completely heal.

During the move and the injury, feelings of discontent crept in.  Being hurt, I struggled with the last of the unpacking, with soaking in the bathtub and getting stuck (I couldn’t move due to the pain), with trying to hang pictures and shelves.  I remember crying out to God for a helpmate…not a husband or a serious relationship…just a helpmate.  After all I have been through and at this season of self-confidence in my life, with Jesus' help I am a force to be reckoned with….so I wondered if the ongoing pain and the discontent were spiritual attack.  Through this discontentment, I foolishly re-connected with a man I had previously dated, and it just didn't work out (more about that later).

So I continue on enjoying my job, participating in church activities and a Bible study, and adjusting to an empty nest.  This article does a great job explaining what it is like to go through the empty nest season as a single parent. 

 "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus," Phillipians 4:9.

God's Stunning and Unexpected Provision

In my last post I shared that I had returned to work in December after two weeks off due to the enormous stress I was experiencing.  To be honest, I went back to work far sooner than I should have due to the fact that I was out of paid sick time.  I was very concerned about my finances even though the company had me apply for disability pay.  I did receive pay for the entire time I was off, but pending the disability claim I was in a position where I could have possibly owed the company over $1400 if the claim did not get approved.  I filed the claim and stashed away as much as I could to cover the potential hit to my household finances and unwisely returned to work.

I did not truly realize until the end of February that I went back to work way too soon.  I had not recovered at all, but I kept foolishly relying on my own self-sufficiency.  Even with my doctor required "reduced hours" of 50-53 hours a week I was struggling immensely.  

My sinful foolishness came to light when I participated in a women's Discipleship Walk retreat at the end of February, sponsored by The Chapel, a Fort Wayne church.  My ostomy surgeon and her surgery scheduler have become precious friends in Christ, and the previous fall they both encouraged me to attend....so I registered not knowing that in God's amazing timing, He had incredible soul and heart work to do in me by the time I attended.  

At the retreat I had amazing roommates and new friends with whom I laughed and cried with all weekend.  They had eye-opening, unbiased perspective and advice.  One of my roomates asked how much sick pay I had left, and I realized at the beginning of 2018 I had earned an additional six weeks with this year's benefits.  Throughout the weekend, God used the retreat discussions, study, and workshops along with my new-found friends, my roommates, my study group, and my study leader to make me realize I needed to take at least some of that well-earned time off to handle my increased depression and anxiety.  My roomates even role-played with me to rehearse my discussion with my work medical department nurse when I went to work the following Monday.

During the weekend, God told me for the umpteenth time that my call to my job had ended.  In my fear over finances and the loss of job-security, I stupidly had ignored God for far too long.  Even my counselor repeatedly tried to advise me to leave my job, but I was simply too afraid to leave and forfeit my severance package without another job in place.  Throughout the weekend, I realized that I had allowed myself to become a person I did not recognize.  I wept when I realized that in my stubborn efforts to stick it out, I had gone into an emotional survival mode.  I was stuck...emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially....or so I thought.  In a stunning vision during a time of prayer, I saw my self literally chained to my desk at work...and God marched in and broke the chains with an ax...and the walls of the building fell down.  I was free!  Free from my disobedience and free from my fear.

The following Monday I went to work, not having a clue how this was all going to work out.  I went straight to our medical department and shared with my company nurse about my depression and anxiety.  She took great compassion on me and confirmed what my new friends were all praying for...that I needed to take medical time off.  She lead me to a private office so I could make the appropropriate phone calls to our employee assistance program, and then I literally walked out of the building.  I was in a daze.  I got home and called my psychiatrist, and he miraculously had an appointment that very day.  The rest of the day went by in a haze.

My daughter Heather had just headed back to her dad's house for the next two weeks, and I was grateful for the time alone.  I literally slept most days the first two weeks.  I was absolutely exhausted and simply had no energy for the smallest task.

Throughout Heather's and my health issues we have adopted The Spoon Theory to manage our energy level and to communicate it to each other and others as needed.  The Spoon Theory is a metaphor used to explain the reduced amount of  energy available for activities for daily living and productive tasks that may result from disability or chronic illness...a person who runs out of spoons has no choice but to rest until his or her spoons are replenished.  The Spoon Theory applies to mental illness too.  I was very aware of what spoons I had each day....and in the beginning of my time off I did not have very many spoons in a given day at all, and I literally fasted from the world.

I continued to meet with my psychiatrist and counselor to make necessary medicine changes, and as I felt better would get out and about a little more...but always watching how much physical and emotional energy I had.  In later weeks I was able to travel out of town with Heather for a two-day robotics competition and also see her through an outpatient surgery to remove a cyst from her back.  Her recovery and post-op care was much more difficult than expected, and she has ended up permanently at my house for the time-being.  She was in recovery all of spring break and missed an entire week of school.  She returned to school for 1/2 days and then returned to full days.  I rested as much as possible when she was at school in order to be able to help her as needed when she came home for the day.

Surprisingly, I did have days when I did have a lot of energy.  On those days, I worked with a friend who works at her own human resources firm to update my resume.  She charged me no fees, and she even helped me network and connected my with some important contacts, one of which ended up getting me a phone interview at a local healthcare organization, Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc., the very organization that I used as the basis for my MBA Healthcare Administration thesis!


 Immediately at the end of the phone interview I was offered an opportunity for an in-person interview!  I was out of sick time and recovered and would need to return to work the following Monday.  I had no idea what God was doing regarding the interview and during much of the time I was off, but I was prepared to resign from my current job and take money from a retirement account until I could find another job.

I had the in-person interview at the clinic on Friday, April 6, and returned to work on Tuesday, April 10.  Then I had a job offer on Friday, April 13!  I resigned from my current job on Monday, April 16, and my last day was Friday, April 27.  I started my new job as the Outreach and Enrollment Coordinator for Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc.. Monday, April 30!

I manage of staff of two people as well as several volunteers to coordinate the center's insurance enrollment process as people sign up for federal and state health insurance options as well as working outreach efforts for the clinic in medically underserved areas.  In the past several weeks I have assisted people from all walks of life in enrolling in insurance, in understanding their medical bills, and in navigating the healthcare system.

I still cannot believe the incredible God-given provision.  Who would have thought that when I started work on my project last September that God would orchestrate its use in getting me a new job doing something I absolutely love!?  And there is so much more to share, it is unbelievable.

When I returned to my old job after my sick time, I was given a raise and the entire year's raise was given to me in a lump sum...so $800 arrived in my bank account.  I was also told that the company had underpaid me for some overtime...and because I still likely owed the company money from my disability claim denial I then owed the company $234.  Days later, I won the disability denial appeal, and a check for over $1400 came in the mail!  I was even offered a considerable raise to take the job at the clinic!  I was able to use the money to pay off all my medical bills, replace my dying phone, and help Heather with some things she needed.  And shortly after I resigned, my former co-workers were told that their layoff date had been delayed again...further confirmation that getting out was the right move for me.

My  new job is a short 15-minute drive from my house (my previous job was over 30 minutes away).  I work 8-5 with an hour for lunch every day, and I have flex-time if I need to take care of personal appointments.  I walk at lunch for exercise, and I am able to work out at the gym 2-3 times a week.  To say I feel great is an understatement!  I have joyfully celebrated Amy's graduation from Purdue and Heather's graduation from high school.  I have had time to catch up with friends for Saturday breakfasts, pedicures, and evenings at Two EE's Winery.  I have been participating in my church's MeNu free weekly outreach meal by reading to the children who attend and will soon begin helping in our church's garden with the harvest being given to the MeNu participants this fall.

Who knew when I obediently took time away from the job that was killing me that God would provide for me so abundantly?  God continues to speak to me through daily Bible study and prayer.  On my last day of work during my Bible reading time, I "discovered" this verse.  God so obviously is working in my life, and I am content and completely satisfied relying on His will at last!

P.S. A Raise!?! 6/24/18
On Saturday 6/24/18 I receive a letter in the mail from my employer.  Naturally, I was curious about it, so I opened it right away.  I was shocked and stunned to learn that the board of the company had done a salary analysis across the organization recently because the board wanted to ensure that all pay levels were competitive....and I received a raise!

Family 2017 Update/Prayer Requests

I am away alone at an AirBnB for a much needed time of retreat, silence, prayer, and writing.  The previous months have been filled with a great deal of stress and joys, and our holiday season was extremely busy with its own ups and downs.  I also will not be able to get away for an extended time due to work responsibilities.  As a result, I have responded to God's compelling call for retreat.


Stephen and Jenna were married in July, and prior to the wedding Heather and I headed to Cedar Campus for a short vacation.  Amy was working on Cedar Campus' summer crew so we were able to get her home for the wedding.  Taking Heather's senior pictures was a highlight of our vacation, but she only tolerated a few pictures as she was anxious to spend as much time as possible on her favorite activity...sailing!
While on crew, Amy earned her lifeguarding
certification and spent many, many hours
getting boats ready for the summer.  She even did some sewing repairs on the sail of one of Heather's favorite boats, determined to get it out of storage and in the water for Heather.  Amy is completing her wildlife/biology degree at Purdue University in the spring and hopes to find wildlife preservation work.  She has been dating a wonderful young man who is a pre-pharmacy/biology major from California.  He also graduates from Purdue in the spring, and he hopes to return to California for pharmacy school.  It will be exciting to see how their future unfolds.

Heather's health has immensely improved after some misdiagnoses, several ER visits, a cyst on her back, and fibromyalgia issues.  The cyst will have to be surgically removed during her upcoming spring break, but we anticipate no issues.

After missing almost 90 days of school during her first three years of high school due to chronic illness, I am happy to report that she has missed only two days this year!  She earned an almost perfect score on her ACT, and she is doing amazingly well in her classes.  She decided to take a weight training/agility class this year, and it has had a stunning impact on her overall mental and physical health.  She is planning to study computer science and meteorology at Purdue next year and work on Cedar Campus crew this summer.  She has also applied to the University of Illinois.

Stephen's and Jenna's wedding was a Christ-centered, joyful family event.  They love breakfast food so they decided to have an untraditional reception (which was so much their style) with quiche, fruit, and yogurt parfaits with coffee cake for the wedding cake.  After their Costa Rica honeymoon, the returned to Lexington, Kentucky where Jenna is a 6th grade science teacher in a Christian school and where Stephen is completing his graduate work at the University of Kentucky.  In the spring, he will begin applying for a year of internship in his psychology work with school-aged children and teens.



On December 17, I graduated with my MBA in Healthcare Administration with a 3.92 GPA!  The work to the end was exhausting, particularly since I have been working so much.  It is a great relief to be done, and I am sincerely proud of my work.  It is my hope that as I approach my layoff date of June 30, that I will be able to find a job as a patient advocate/navigator.  Prayers are needed for God's timing and help in finding the right location.  I am willing to move; however, I may need to remain in Indiana if Heather attends Purdue University so she can benefit from in-state tuition.


I continue to be in good health except for a few minor issues.  I thank God every day for my ostomy as it has radically changed my health and my life for the better.  I had no idea how sick I was until I wasn't sick anymore!  I have been able to go camping, bike riding, walking, and hiking!


I do however, need great prayers regarding my job.  This past summer and fall I began working 60-hour weeks, including Saturdays, as well as traveling to Mexico once a month to train my replacement.  Even if I fly into Fort Wayne at 8 p.m. on a Friday night, I am still expected to put 8 hours in at the office on Saturday.  I want to make it clear that I have no problem with my employer moving to Mexico and with training my replacement.  God is bigger than all that, and I have been able to share Jesus with my counterpart whom I am training.  It is the staggering expectations that I am floundering under as the transition has not gone as quickly or as smoothly as planned, which has led to an enormous, impossible workload.

I eventually crashed under the stress of work, school, and lack of sleep.  So much so that my HR manager and department lead recognized that I was not myself, which resulted in almost two weeks off work.  Two contracted employees quit while I was out, and there were many rumours floating about.  Thankfully, it all turned out to be nothing, and I learned that I desperately needed that break.  I am grateful that the company saw my value and wanted to help me.  What is sad is the fact that it took until someone broke for them to realize they are breaking people.

While I was off I met with my counselor and psychiatrist, got plenty of rest, exercised, spent time with friends, and finished my schoolwork.  I won't lie...there were some very tough days when I was absolutely devastated by the anxiety about work.  It took me over a week to not wake up in the morning having nightmares about work and my heart pounding out of my chest.

Upon my return, some of my responsibilities had been moved to other co-workers, and they are understandably resentful...they continue to work 10 hour days and take work home.  I am under doctor's orders to only work 9 hours a day with a 1/2 hour lunch and 8 hours on Saturday.  I know that seems like a lot, but it is far better than 60+ hours.  I am getting paid overtime, and I am trying to save as much as possible.  I get as much done as I can every day, and at 4:30 p.m. I simply leave.  My counselor has gently reminded me that even if my peers work 60+ hours a week, I clearly cannot.

My layoff date moved from this past fall to this coming spring to this June.  I should be grateful as the added time will help me see Heather through her high school graduation, and it allowed me to complete my degree just in  time to be more marketable post-layoff.  Thankfully, I will receive a severance package and some other benefits to help with continuing my health insurance for a time after the layoff.

So great prayer is needed to sustain me in the coming months at work and as I make the transition to other work and to becoming an empty nester.  Please pray for Stephen, Jenna, Amy, and Heather as well.  Stephen's internship most likely will require a move and Jenna finding a new teaching job.  Amy needs prayer transitioning from college to work, and Heather needs prayer as she prepares for college.  We are all at a crossroads, which scares them at times and excites me.  I can't wait to see how God works it all out in His amazing timing.

All of the kids were very supportive with Dave's recent wedding to his partner, Brian.  I decided a long time ago that it takes far less energy to live in grace and forgiveness than in bitterness and hate.  We still celebrate family events together, although this year was tough...not tough due to their marriage but tough as most of the adulting fell on me.

At the last moment due to a nasty flu bug in their household and due to their unexpected work obligations, I ended up having Heather an extra two weeks, buying all the presents, wrapping them with the girls' help, and hosting Christmas (with a clogged kitchen sink that required the Christmas meal mess be hand washed in the bathroom tub!)  To top it off, I photographed their small wedding, which turned out to be a little harder that I expected...but I made it through...only to have my car hit in the church parking lot.  It was for sure a comedy of errors, and by the time it was all over, I was done adulting...which why today is a pajama day in a cozy loft apartment with everything provided that I could possibly need and even things I did not know I would need.

Isn't that just like God to provide what we need and what we didn't even know we were going to need?  The morning of Dave's and Brian's wedding, I opened my Bible and randomly (maybe not so randomly?) found this very fitting verse in Isaiah.  We are all traveling on unfamiliar paths that God promises to guide us through with His compelling light, and He promises to make the way smooth and will not forsake us on that path.  I can't think of a better frame of mind and heart to start 2018!

Thank you my beloved friends for your prayers and encouragement.  I feel God's power every single day as I am "surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses" (Hebrews 12:1).

I am now 5 months post-ostomy surgery and am doing well.  I am participating in an ostomy support group at our local hospital, and it is time of great encouragement with new-found friends of all ages and backgrounds.  Soon I will participate in peer counseling training with the United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA) to guide others going through similar surgeries.  I've been in physical therapy, and I am back on my bike and out walking and doing yoga as often as I can.

The exercise is, of course, good for me, and it also is a great stress reliever for all that is going on at my job.  My pending layoff will be sometime September-December, and I will receive a 60-day notice.  Once I am laid off I will be working with WorkOne, our state employment office, to determine the best use of government-funded benefits for displaced American workers along with the best use of my company severance package.

Our workload is immense, although that will likely dwindle when more work transfers out.  Our team has no idea how and whom and when each of us will be laid off.  While this is difficult, most of of have a great spirit of teamwork and get along well.  My co-workers and I are struggling with a particular situation, and I would greatly appreciate your prayers. God knows the details, and for me to divulge anymore would be simply gossip, so please pray as you are led.

I have a great opportunity to show extraordinary servanthood in the face of these many obstacles.  Many of my friends outside of work are extremely concerned about my work load and long hours...my response is to not comment about the difficulties, but instead I ask for prayer for wisdom and a servant heart.  Why give power to the negative situations by speaking of them?  I can't change the difficult situations, but I can change my response and my mindset to them.  I complete my MBA in Public Health Administration in December, 2017, and Heather graduates from high school in June, 2018, so I am simply forging ahead and trusting God's timing for new employment.

Heather is feeling much better...thank you Jesus! We discovered no further problems with her heart and discovered a misdiagnosis of narcolepsy.  She is off all fibromyalgia and narcolepsy medication, and she recently completed three weeks of summer P.E.  She has finally embraced the fact that low-impact exercise helps her fibromyalgia immensely.  Like all diabetics, she is frequently in contact with her doctor to make necessary insulin adjustments.  It is frustrating at times for her for sure, but it is a frustration that we can live with...after all, in another place and time her health situation would be far more serious.  I thank God everyday for her dad's great health insurance and access to health care.  Is that likely to change given the current healthcare landscape?  Probably.  Changes that are coming may affect me as well.  However, I choose to not live in fear and remain confident in God's provision.

In the midst of all of this stuff of life, a dear and beloved friend of mine lost her teenage son in a car accident recently.  I took time off work to attend the viewing and the funeral.  My friend's and her family's strength and trust in God's beloved plan for them have been amazing.  There were so many people at the Christ-filled viewing that I waited four hours in line to see her.  Their family's spiritual impact on the their community was so evident.

My friend is a rock for sure, and I would not be where I am as a Christian without her discipleship of my stubborn heart in high school and throughout college and beyond.  I am in communication with her and with her husband through texts and phone calls, and when the time is right, will visit.  I pray that I can be used to sustain them in the tough moments, weeks, months, and years ahead.

In recent months I have also ministered to a friend whose young adult daughter died from a brain tumor, prayed for my brother-in-law who has miraculously gone into remission for pancreatic cancer, ministered to my physical therapist whose wife is undergoing brain surgery for a non-cancerous tumor who will likely face a lifetime of surgeries as the tumor will return, and prayed for and supported a beloved couple dealing with the devastating effects of Stage 4 melanoma.  It all makes my pending unemployment and a new ostomy minimal trials for sure.

My prayer is that these trials will bring me, my precious Heather, and my beloved friends to the Healer of our souls.  This amazing testimony says it all!

Three Months Post-Op!

I am almost three months post-op for my ostomy surgery, and I am doing incredibly well.  I am so grateful.  I am not as strong as I would like to be physically, but full recovery will take a while so I must be patient.  I have been released by my doctor to run, to ride my bike, and to do yoga.  I am also in physical therapy to strengthen my core as I now am at life-long risk for a hernia.  My biggest struggles right now are recovering from a nasty respiratory flu bug that has lingered, getting enough sleep, and managing work and school.

My amazing surgeon, who is also a Christian, has stood along side me medically and spiritually.  I am so thankful for her, her staff, and the ostomy nurses.  The nurses lead a monthly support group at the hospital that I have been participating in.  I also found an amazing on-line support group, The Ostomy Network, with new-found friends whom I dearly love.

Heather has been my rock, and she has walked me through some tough moments.  There were skin issues, appliance issues, etc., and I often became overwhelmed during my one-month medical leave.  She helped me through every single second, assisted me in figuring out what supplies to use and order, and cheered me on tirelessly. 

My brother-in-law came for the Monday early a.m. surgery as he and my sister-in-law are my living will representatives, but Heather literally ran the show!  She missed school to be at the hospital, and patiently waited in the surgery recovery area for me.  The best miracle of all is that the doctor was able to do the entire surgery robotically when she fully expected to have to do an open abdominal incision. 

The doctor came out of surgery and told Heather and my brother-in-law the good news and that she planned to have me go home that Thursday.  Heather firmly told the doctor that she knew I would overdo it the first day and should probably not go home until Friday.  The surgeon got a good laugh at Heather's insistence, and told Heather she would do what she could to keep me longer as needed.  Heather was right...I did overdo it the first day and wore myself out a bit.  Then I ran a fever and had a low red blood count, so the doctor did keep me until Friday to make sure I didn't have an underlying infection and to give me iron transfusions.  My doctor laughed and said, "Besides, if I sent you home like this, Heather will kill me!" 

My precious beloved girl has had her struggles throughout the last year on top of all that I am dealing with.  She has a non-cancerous cyst on her back that will likely need to be removed at some point, so we had to see a specialist for that.  She was also possibly misdiagnosed with narcolepsy, and we now think one of her fibromyalgia medications is causing her extreme fatigue...we saw two specialists and had a sleep study done for that. 

She was on a narcolepsy medication for a time, and she started having extremely high heart rates and chest pain while on it.  We ended up the in the ER, and she wore a heart monitor for two weeks.  Her heart has settled down, but we are still waiting for the heart monitor result and will be seeing a pediatric cardiologist.  We are following up with our family doctor to determine the best way to manage her fibromyalgia while weaning off one medication and starting another.

Two weeks after the ER visit for chest pains, we ended up back in the ER when she had a stomach bug.  Her situation as a diabetic can become very serious if she is not able to eat and keep food down.  Two weeks later, the stomach bug lingered, and we were back in the ER with a dangerously low blood sugar level as she could not keep food down.  We had to use her emergency glucagon/glucose shot, which we have never done before.  We spent that night in the ER, and we were both so exhausted when we got home in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

Through all of this we both have a 3.9 GPA at school, and she has actively participated in our school's robotics club.  They have competed all over the state and have done very well.  The Saturday afternoon of our last ER visit, she felt well enough to go to the state competition in a nearby town.  She amazed me!  The team almost qualified for national competition, and they were very happy with their performance.  She is also taking a very aggressive course load, and is prepping for four AP tests and finals.

As for me, my work schedule has been very hectic.  When I returned to work after surgery I was informed that final layoff move would be October instead of December.  This past week the company announced that the layoff is now back to December and possibly later.  Every single day is a non-stop schedule with many fires to put out.  The good news is that this will enable me to pay off every single medical bill from this year if I stay employed through year end!  I am on payment plans for two large bills and fortunately have met my deductible and my out-of-pocket max.

I also somehow stupidly lost one of my hearing aids while trying on some clothes at a local store.  Even through it was near midnight when I realized it, Heather insisted on driving me to the store to look.  The store staff was very kind and did all they could to help.  Heather and I looked at home, at my office, and in my car.  I was devastated as I thought it would cost me almost $2000 to replace it.  My audiologist office shared the good news that I had purchased a warranty for loss/damage/replacement with a mere $250 deductible.  A friend from church who knew how upset I was about the loss provided the $250 to me as a gift.  Many other people came forward and offered financial help as needed as well.  I was stunned at God's provision.  Apparently I am a slow learner, I needed to be reminded that God can handle something as small as a hearing aid!

Needless to say Heather and I are weary, so this weekend we went to a nearby state park for two days.  It was  my spring break from school, so we stayed at the park inn, slept in, hiked, enjoyed the outdoors, went swimming, and enjoyed the sauna. 


We respected each others' space for quiet...she did homework, and I did some in-depth Bible study and journaling.  We love to go camping, so we also scouted out the perfect site for Memorial Day camping while hiking this weekend.

Life has a way of continuing on through our ups and downs.  Stephen and his fiancé are happily planning their summer wedding, and Amy is making plans to return to summer crew work at Cedar Campus.  We will be heading to the camp for a few days prior to Stephen's wedding.  Heather is planning to take summer gym and an online class.  I will continue to juggle work and school while looking forward to my December 2017 graduation for my MBA in public health administration. 

Thank you all for your continued love and prayers, get-well cards, phone calls, and encouragement.  I am so grateful for each and everyone of you!

Surgery is January 23

My colostomy surgery is Monday, January 23, and updates will be posted at Liz Craker Meal Train.  You can sign up to bring meals, send gift cards for meals, run errands, drive me to appointments, etc. at that link as well.

I believe that I am well prepared for this surgery.  I joined an incredible online support group this past year as well as found my high school classmate Dawnette's website Awesome Ostomy.  On her website, she shares fashion tips, what to expect after surgery, product reviews, helpful hints and more.  I have already ordered some supplies from her! Check out her website if you would like to donate to her ostomy teddy bear program, Awesome Ollie, through which she provides for children undergoing this surgery! 

I also found some very good books to learn what to expect, and I met with my ostomy nurse Thursday.  I was surprised when she helped me put an ostomy bag in place so I could wear it the next several days.  This has been good practice and has helped me figure out needed adjustments.  Medically, it is the most empowering action I have ever experienced.  So my practice pouch and I have showered, slept and tried on clothes together.  I even slept with it through the night with no discomfort.

It is kind of surreal that I am having this surgery almost exactly 20 years from the day I had my original cancer surgery.  Concerned friends have asked if I am afraid, which I am not.  Years ago, when I was at my oncologist's office getting ready for my first round of chemo, I was terrified and did not even know how to pray.  Thankfully, God gave me a great sense of peace at that moment, and from then on I have never been afraid of surgeries and medical procedures.  When I recall that terrifying moment, Romans 8:29 comes to mind...."Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words."  I know, without a doubt, that the Holy Spirit stepped in for me at that very moment.  That peace has never left me, and I actually like having surgery for the very reason that it requires me to completely surrender myself to Christ....it is an amazing feeling,

I also shared a very personal insight with a friend recently when we were discussing this upcoming surgery.  I has been on my heart for a long time, but I never had spoken about it with anyone.  Upon hearing about it from me, my friend encouraged me to share the powerful story....so here it is.

I am a firm believer that we can invite God into past moments of pain, and that we can ask Him to aid in our healing from those moments.  I learned of this many years ago through an extraordinary book, Healing for Damaged Emotions.  A few years after my breast cancer diagnosis, I invited Jesus into that painful, frightening moment when I was in my surgeon's office trying to grasp the news and trying to decide surgery and treatment options. 

In my memory, I am sitting in a sterile, cold patient room waiting for the doctor.  I am all alone in the memory, when in reality my then-husband was with me at the time.  I believe my vision/memory has me alone because, for me, the cancer diagnosis shook me to my very core, and I felt very alone.  Also, in the memory, I am vulnerably sitting on an exam table, shivering in a paper gown...again, waiting all alone.

I am not the kind of person who believes that God orchestrates the bad events that happen to us, this world and others.  We live in a fallen existence that we were not made for.  The sin, the illness, the bad events are all are a result of a fallen, sinful creation.  However, I do believe that Christ decides how He is going to use the painful for His glory. 

When I invited God into that cold, vulnerable moment in the doctor's office, He entered my memory with an extraordinary action....in my memory/vision, I am sitting cold, huddled and afraid...and Christ stood right on the examining table behind me and fiercely slammed a huge, rugged, wooden cross right behind me and clearly stated, "Satan, this moment is mine!"  It was a life, changing moment for good that leaves me extraordinarily grateful, humbled and empowered.

Because if that moment, to this day, I have used my cancer diagnosis to lend a hand to other survivors and others who are going through horrific medical and personal trials.  Because of my health struggles and experiences,  I have been invited into devastated hearts.  I have been given the gift of 20 years to proclaim the love of Christ to the most hurting people.  It doesn't get much better than that!

So I am able to take this extraordinary, Christ-empowered life into this surgery.  Instead of fear, I am grateful.  When I don't understand what to expect, I ask questions.  When I need to be educated, I learn from books, websites and even YouTube videos.  I ask for and participate in prayer.  I think out loud with God.  I advocate for myself. 

Recently, a friend of mine mentioned that she thought I have had a horrible life.  I disagree completely.  Cancer was and is very freeing and empowering.  Through cancer, I learned not to take life for granted.  My divorce showed me strength I didn't know I had.  All the struggles up to this point have made me a better version of myself....a more Christ-centered version filled with awe of God's work and spiritual contentment that can only come from Him. 

The price of divorce, cancer and other struggles have been worth the God-given grace, love, strength and contentment I now have.  I would not be where I am today without those past and current trials.  I embrace the blessings and challenges that have brought me to this point.

Thanks for letting me share.  I love and cherish you all. 

My 20th Anniversary of Being Cancer Free Party!