Saturday, December 28, 2013

A Sad Ending

What I hoped would lead into a permanent relationship with a very special man ended mutually this evening.  I am sad but also simply grateful for the time we spent together. He will always have a special place in my heart.

I am so heartbroken and once again find myself wondering, "Now what?" regarding my life and my future.  This man and I had dreams and plans for a future that has now been swept away.  We often talked and dreamed about the places we could move to or travel to and the things we could do when Amy goes to Purdue next year and when Heather eventually goes to college, and we would have more "kid free" time.

Not having "kid free" time has been a struggle for me as a whole and was frustrating for me when I was in this relationship. Amy is with me full-time (by her choice) while Heather goes back and forth every other week to her dad's house.  While I did not want to wish away Amy's senior year, I often fretted and wished she was off to college so my boyfriend and I could have more time alone.  Maybe my priorities were just mixed up, but that is water under the bridge now.

I don't like this facing an uncertain future again.  I feel depression sweeping me away again.  I am cemented in grief.

As I wrote in an earlier post, he contributed to a great deal of emotional healing for me after my divorce.  A dear friend said that perhaps that was God's plan and that was this man 's purpose in this season of my life.  Perhaps that is true.

This month has been brutal as things have fallen apart between the two of us.  

I also had some divorce issues I had to deal with.  

An additional legal bill to pay.  

Red tape about wrapping up my health insurance with my ex-husband's company and going on my new insurance.  

Receiving a letter detailing my dates of insurance with my ex-husband's company: April 20, 1991 through May 27, 2013.  That was like seeing a tombstone for our marriage!  

A last family dentist appointment together while still on his insurance. 

Continued milestones that I didn't expect that caused me pain.

Grief, grief, goodness I have had enough!

No comments:

Post a Comment