I am Second® - Scott Hamilton/The Only Disability in Life is a Bad Attitude!

I have been helping Amy complete numerous scholarship applications, and she has happily been accepted to Purdue University to study veterinary science in the fall.

As she and I look over previous tax returns, medical expenses, etc., it absolutely defies imagination as to how we survived financially.  In 2011, the first year on my own, I made a mere $17,000 plus $15,000 child support.  In 2012, I made $21,000 plus child support AND had $3400 worth of medical expenses.

It simply does not add up....but God's economy is far different than man's.  I am living proof of His incredible provision.  You simply can't out give God.

The first two years on my own we qualified for free books and reduced lunch. This past year, even with a full-time job, I somehow managed to qualify for completely free lunch as well as books.  I have no idea how that happened...God at work again...it is the only explanation I can find.

I continue to be blessed with unexpected high tax returns and a recent anonymous donation to Amy for her spring break mission trip.  Because we qualified for the free lunch program, Amy's college application fees, several scholarship application fees, SAT/ACT and AP exam fees have all been waived. Heather also recently was awarded a scholarship for free private music lessons through the Fort Wayne Philharmonic.

And I STILL have no debt except a small car payment.

This summer Dave walked in my front door and simply handed me a check for $615 so I could take the kids to Cedar Campus.  The staff of the camp also generously gave me a $415 scholarship for my expenses, and while we were there someone donated $100 for our expenses at the camp store.

When I bought my car this summer, I was able to talk the dealership down to a $500 down payment and a $2000 lower price.  Dave also gives me $600 every Christmas to make the holidays special for the kids, and we still celebrate Christmas together as a family.

Heather's insulin pump and supplies arrived in December and is up an running...so relieved that we have met our deductible...the pump alone is $10,000...and I paid a mere $23 for it all!

Heather also recently qualified for the 21st Century Scholar program, which gives her free tuition to any eligible Indiana college as long as we continue to qualify financially and she keeps her grades up.

The bottom line is this....Are you afraid to budget and tithe?  Don't be.  God ALWAYS provides!

"I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously." 

Psalms 13:6 

"I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms.

I’m celebrating your rescue.

I’m singing at the top of my lungs,

I’m so full of answered prayers."

Psalm 13:5-6 (The Message)

"I will sing to you, O Lord,

because you have been good to me."

Psalm 13:6 Good News Translation (GNT)

Facebook Video Recap...I AM SO BLESSED!

Facebook Recap

Click on the link to watch my Facebook video recap.  Click on the bottom left arrow to play.  Clink on bottom left arrows to go to full screen.

The recap includes:

• pictures at our favorite vacation spot at Cedar Campus
• Stephen's senior pics I took while at Cedar
• Kids celebrating Christmas
• My post about getting a job (at last!)
• Heather's baptism
• Amy being accepted to Purdue
• Me celebrating 17 years of being cancer-free!
• Amy & Heather looking beautiful for their first day of school
• Heather overcoming limitations to run in Fort4Fitness running event
• Amy's beautiful photography

I have such an AWESOME and BLESSED life!

10 Good Things 

That Happened to Me in 2013

1. I managed to stay out of the hospital for almost an entire year...no surgeries!

2. My daughter Heather was diagnosed with diabetes, and while the diabetes was not good, her courage and ability to adapt stunned me.

3. My divorce was finalized, and while that was sad, the settlement allowed me to pay off all bills except my car payment, and other than that I am debt free.

4.  I fell in love, and while the relationship did not work out, I was and still am extremely blessed that it made me realize that I am still a beautiful, desirable woman.

5. I was able to take the kids to InterVarsity's Cedar Campus for vacation because I was given scholarship funds for my costs and my ex-husband helped pay the kids expenses.

6. In February after an unexpected hospital stay and a week without pay, $450 cash miraculously and anonymously showed up in my mailbox just when I needed it most.

7.  All year long, just when I needed it the most, additional money was given to me by friends, my church and also more anonymous people.

8. I tested negative for the breast cancer gene, which means my girls' risk is now 20% instead of 80%.  The lab also paid my entire bill of $600 due to financial hardship.

9. St. Vincent's Hospital in Indy wrote off a $3700 bill, and the Zionsville Fire  Department/Ambulance company wrote off a $600 bill.

10. I was very blessed to participate in two awesome small groups at The Pointe Church, one of which adopted me as their service project and collected money to help me pay medical bills.

11. I bought a used Toyota Pruis, which I absolutely love.

12. My daughter Amy was in a fairly serious car accident this fall and walked away without a scratch!  She was also accepted to Purdue University to begin studying to be a veterinarian.

13. My son Stephen continued to do well at IU-Bloomington with classes and part-time work and continued to be involved in a campus fellowship.

I am thinking that listing 10 is just not enough!

A Sad Ending

What I hoped would lead into a permanent relationship with a very special man ended mutually this evening.  I am sad but also simply grateful for the time we spent together. He will always have a special place in my heart.

I am so heartbroken and once again find myself wondering, "Now what?" regarding my life and my future.  This man and I had dreams and plans for a future that has now been swept away.  We often talked and dreamed about the places we could move to or travel to and the things we could do when Amy goes to Purdue next year and when Heather eventually goes to college, and we would have more "kid free" time.

Not having "kid free" time has been a struggle for me as a whole and was frustrating for me when I was in this relationship. Amy is with me full-time (by her choice) while Heather goes back and forth every other week to her dad's house.  While I did not want to wish away Amy's senior year, I often fretted and wished she was off to college so my boyfriend and I could have more time alone.  Maybe my priorities were just mixed up, but that is water under the bridge now.

I don't like this facing an uncertain future again.  I feel depression sweeping me away again.  I am cemented in grief.

As I wrote in an earlier post, he contributed to a great deal of emotional healing for me after my divorce.  A dear friend said that perhaps that was God's plan and that was this man 's purpose in this season of my life.  Perhaps that is true.

This month has been brutal as things have fallen apart between the two of us.  

I also had some divorce issues I had to deal with.  

An additional legal bill to pay.  

Red tape about wrapping up my health insurance with my ex-husband's company and going on my new insurance.  

Receiving a letter detailing my dates of insurance with my ex-husband's company: April 20, 1991 through May 27, 2013.  That was like seeing a tombstone for our marriage!  

A last family dentist appointment together while still on his insurance. 

Continued milestones that I didn't expect that caused me pain.

Grief, grief, grief...my goodness I have had enough!

I Am A Worn Out Mama

Last weekend, in my frantic rush to get everything done, I drove distractedly to the high school to prepare to chaperon on the band bus for yet another band trip.  I had just rushed to the store all the while yelling at Heather to hurry, hurry, hurry.  We left the store, and I was driving too fast and was very distracted.  

I was thinking about a million things at once, including how to stretch my finances since I had unexpectedly received almost $200 in medical bills this past week.

I ended up hitting a pothole and getting not one, but two flat tires!

It only added to the stress, and I ended up with a migraine later in the day. Needless to say, I did not make it to the band competition.

It was a wake up call that I was just stretched too thin.  I was constantly rushing and short-tempered with the ones I love the most.

Band is over this weekend, and I had already been wearily anticipating the next season of Amy's winter color guard.  Practice and auditions for that start a week after band ends.  Competitions are almost every weekend January through the first of March.

And I realized I just can't do it all any more.

I had recently turned in Winter Guard paperwork and said I could chaperon on the buses for the competitions.  I just emailed the color guard directors and told them I am not going to be able to chaperon this year after all. 

When Dave and I separated, I was still only working 7-3 at the high school and was able to continue my heavy commitment with band and color guard. Last fall I started my new job and but did not keep up with the same level of involvement due to my health issues and hospital stays.

This year is the first year I have been working full time and trying to maintain the same level of volunteering with the band and with the color guard.  I have been stretched very, very thin, which makes it harder and harder for me to be the mom I want to be.  I am also concerned that if I keep up with the same level of involvement, I will end up with further health issues.  So it was with a heavy heart that I stepped back.

And I was instantly relieved....which gave me peace with the decision....a very good clue that it was a right decision!

And bless Amy's heart...she completely understood.  She lovingly looked at me and said, "Mom, I understand.  Just do what you can."

I think, hope and pray that as I stumble through these crossroads that I am giving my kids a good example of balancing this tightrope walk we call life.

Mandisa - What Scars Are For (Lyric Video)

Tomorrow is my 48th birthday...and though my heart, body and mind are full of scars from all I have been through I know that God has brought me through them all.  Are you breathing today?  That's a gift from God.  Thank Him for it.  Don't take any moment for granted.  Take that advice from someone who has survived cancer, over 14 surgeries, health problems, heart-break and divorce only to come out on the other side stronger, wiser and surprisingly blessed by the unexpected twists and turns of my life.