Matters of the Soul

Toward the end of the past six months, I wore myself out to the point of spiritual, emotional, and mental distraction.  I had all the typical excuses: work was super busy; it was the holidays; I traveled over Thanksgiving; I am too busy to work out right now, etc.  Some days, like all of us, I did better in some areas than I did another.

My main struggle is screen time addiction...I fell into it more and more after Heather left for college.  I didn't have anyone at home to interact with, and I believed the ugly trap that just a few minutes on my phone was acceptable.  Sadly, a few minutes turned into wasted hours that has affected my sleep and my time with God.  My beautiful daughter-in-law stated this so beautifully in a 2017 blog post entitled Rest Project: An Invitation.  Friends, I have clearly hit the "daughter-on-law jackpot!"  This beautiful young woman, who loves the Lord and my son, challenges me through her intentional life.  Here is an excerpt that has convicted me over and over:

Shared by permission of Jenna Craker

Thankfully, the busy, busy period at work lasted just a season during open enrollment for the Federal Marketplace.  It is honestly like tax time is for an accountant for our Enrollment Team at Neighborhood Health.  Additionally, for a variety of reasons (which I won't go into here), our patients and clients are increasingly confused about their options.  As a result we take our roles seriously about educating them so they can make an informed choice, and we also teach them how to use the insurance choice they have made.  Google translate has become a helpful tool as I have done this in Chinese, Arabic, and Vietnamese. Neighborhood Health has been growing and developing, and we have exciting times ahead!  You can learn more by viewing these links: Neighborhood Health: Who We Are and Neighborhood Health Brand Reveal.

Fortunately, I have re-grouped and in recent weeks gotten back Bible Study Fellowship where I have an accountability partner 💗.  I also am joining a new church, Avalon Missionary Church, where I am radically challenged every week.  I am back at Planet Fitness 2-3 mornings before work with a friend, and I am working on some very cool craft, photography, and writing projects.

Me steppin'
out of the dating scene 😂

As for dating, I have decided to fast from the whole, disappointing, emotionally and spiritually draining process until God tells me otherwise.  Every contact was just miserably degrading, and it simply is not worth it right now.  My brother-in-law teases me that I am judging men's potential ROI (return on investment), and because their ROI has not been good, I am not pursing a relationship right now 🤣.

Seriously, I had the most amazing incident that brought me to this conclusion to fast from dating.  While I was visiting Stephen and Jenna's church, I just "happened" to pick up a handout from the previous week's young adult Sunday school class...and what I read convicted me in a radical way.  To put this in perspective, I have, for the most part, been completely confident and content on my own.  Yet, when I allow just a tiny bit of self-pity and ungratefulness nestle into my heart, I get into big trouble and can be led astray in a hot minute...and this was my heart's condition in the moment that I saw this lesson.  Bam!

I have had such amazing peace and joy since making this decision, and it has been a good choice for me.  It has been a healthy choice that has led to such freedom 😊....and so as Paul writes:

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.  I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:7-12 NIV

Family News

The past six months have gone by so quickly!  After their June wedding, Jonathan and Amy went to Smoky Mountains National Park for their honeymoon.

They are settled in Lafayette, Indiana, where Amy continues to work at Turkey Run State Park as an interpretive naturalist.  Jonathan is completing school and just got a job as an IU Health lab assistant.

Heather was Amy's maid of honor 💕

Heather and her boyfriend Mat were able to squeeze in a short camping trip at Chain O Lakes State Park before heading back to Purdue for the summer.  They both had research projects, and she took two classes so she can get her double major covered.  She and Amy also work at Grey House Coffee on campus, where Amy is a manager.  They have even coordinated schedules to be on the same shift one morning so they can spend time together. 🥰🥰🥰

Hiking at Antelope Island State Park

Stephen and Jenna continue to enjoy life in Salt Lake City, where she is a 5th grade teacher, and he is a school psychologist.  They absolutely love spending every minute possible hiking in the beautiful mountains around Utah, and they had the amazing opportunity to visit with some friends in Jordan this summer.  They had plans to travel with Jenna's family over Christmas, so I flew out to visit them over Thanksgiving.  A big snowstorm hit just as I was flying out, but we still managed to go on several hikes.

(Disclamer: this is NOT their license plate...just one from a random person's car 🤣!)

I continue to assist with Global Christian Fellowship at our local universities.  Last fall I took some students to see Chicago tourist sites and to enjoy the roller coasters at Six Flags (and yes, I road every roller coaster with them!)  We also hosted a Thanksgiving Without Borders event with traditional and international food, and we are planning several more outreach events this coming semester.

Our family holidays kicked off early with my nephew's November 9 wedding.  All of the Craker cousins were able to attend...coming from all over the U.S.  Dave, Brian, Amy, Jonathan, Heather and I had a family Christmas gathering together, and Stephen and Jenna were able to participate via video chat.  I participated in multiple family gatherings, and I hosted our YMCA aquatics staff Christmas party at my apartment.

I am praising God that the kids and I are happy and healthy.  I did have a rough case of bronchitis over the holidays, which landed me in the ER (first visit in over 3 years...that's a record!)  I had been seeing and following up with my doctor, but something just didn't feel right AND my stomach started to hurt.  So on top of the bronchitis, I wanted to make sure I didn't have a colon obstruction or an issue with my ostomy.  All turned out well, fortunately.

My prayers for all of us in the coming year is that good health continues, that God guides Jonathan,
Heather, and Mat in school, that God gives Amy direction for her next step when her time at Turkey Run ends, and that God sustains me in all that He calls me to do for Him.  My greatest prayer is that my children continue to understand and grasp how much God loves them.

Good Times

Life since January has been a whirlwind with Amy's wedding shower and getting ready for Amy and Jonathan's June 30 wedding.  After a spring and early summer of torrential rain, their special day dawned sunny and beautiful.💗

Stephen and Jenna flew in from Salt Lake City, and they were a huge help with all of the last minute details.  Heather proudly served as Amy's maid-of-honor.  Amy is now working at Turkey Run State Park as a naturalist, while Jonathan finishes his schooling at Purdue.

 The weekend following the wedding I headed up to Michigan's UP for a brief time at Cedar Campus.  It was a bittersweet weekend as I did not have enough vacation time after the wedding to spend the whole week at camp.  It is an especially trying time for the camp and its staff as InterVarsity has decided to release the camp back to the Henry Taylor Foundation.  Three different groups, including Friends of Cedar Campus, are preparing proposals to take over the management of the camp.  

A decision will be made by September with the summer of 2020 being the last year the camp will be under InterVarsity.   It is a difficult time for those of us who know and love this sacred place.  Please pray that it is protected as spiritual retreat for years to come.

I continue to grow in my job and enjoy my work at Neigborhood Health.  I manage a department of 2-3 people, coordinating the center's efforts of providing insurance through state and federal insurance options for those who qualify.  It is a difficult process to for people of all backgrounds to get, keep, and use these government-funded programs, so case management is a large part of our work.

I work out at our local Planet Fitness to balance life's stresses and joys.  During the school year I also participate in a weekly Bible study, and I just recently returned to the YMCA to teach swim lessons just for fun.  I teach at a location near the health center, as I wanted to give back to the community I work in.🏊  I am also planning to visit Stephen and Jenna in Salt Lake City sometime this year, and I am planning other trips in the future.

I recently dated someone I had dated previously, but it didn't work out.  I even tried online dating, and that was a disaster...the first guy pledged his undying love right away...LOL...the second guy refused to confirm his identity through video chat, and the third and fourth guys were using fake profile pics.  

I am perfectly content on my own, thanks to Jesus, but I do get lonely.  I have plenty of friends to hang out with, but I do miss male companionship.  Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult to meet a  man in his 50s or older who is a Christian and has his act together.  So I try to be content a single woman in a world full of couples.  No wrong match is worth the spiritual contentment that I have, and I refuse to sacrifice it for the wrong person.  So please pray for wisdom and contentment.  

Busy Season/Mattters of the Heart

The last 6 months have been busy with good and bad stressors…welcome to the reality of life, right?!? 

Throughout the spring and summer I continued to become more acclimated to my job…the more I have learned the more I have contributed.  Not a week goes by that I don't receive a hug and sometime tears from a grateful client.  It is stressful, demanding work but is rewarding and fulfilling.  I have had to work very hard not to take the work home with me emotionally…so far I have done well.  

This spring and summer was a whirlwind with Heather’s high school graduation, Amy’s college graduation, our vacation to Cedar Campus, and then Amy and Jonathan’s engagement there.  

This summer Stephen and Jenna also moved to Salt Lake City, Utah for their work as a school psychologist and 5^th grade teacher, respectively.  They have adjusted well and are enjoying many great outdoor excursions!  You can read more about their adventures in Jenna's blog, aptly named Hoosier Hospitalitea.   

It was hard to adjust to Heather being at Purdue, but I am getting better at it.  Cooking for one is not easy!  Heather's cat is very needy and misses Heather....so the cat drives me nuts on a daily basis!  She thinks she needs to be petted 24-7!

Happily, I am busy with wedding plans, and I was honored to take Amy and Jonathan's engagement pictures in July.  Amy is currently working as an intern at Audubon's Audubon's Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary in Naples, Florida until April.  Jonathan finishes his last Purdue classes in May, and we have a June 30 wedding!

I moved at the end of September to a smaller apartment, which I love, in a complex named Willow Creek Crossing.  I finally unpacked the last box this past month, and I made numerous trips to Goodwill throughout the whole process.  I was blessed with the opportunity to give away so many things to another single mom.  It was such a gift to be the one giving.  My new salary allowed me to even buy a new couch, recliner, and desk, which better fit my smaller space. 

I admit I wore myself out a bit packing prior to the move, but I had a lot of help.  Heather asked me how I was going to move when all my friends were old….LOL!  My “old” friends from all parts of my life (band-mom friends, former swim lesson parents, Bible study friends) came and helped me pack.  One of them was retired, and I could hardly keep up with her!  The best part was that I had almost all of the small stuff packed and moved or ready to move by the time the movers arrived.

God continued to provide throughout the whole process.  A friend of mine had just moved, so she saved me all of her boxes.  Another friend works at the Kroger produce department and she saved me produce boxes.  Another friend works in the shipping/receiving department at her company, so she saved me used bubble wrap.  So I spent no money on packing supplies except for packing tape!

I prayed and prayed about how to figure out how to hire or find someone to move the furniture and larger items.  Finally during a time of prayer, God put the idea of looking on Craigslist for a mover and calling that person!  I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard, but I did it.  I called the first person I found, chickened out, and hung up without leaving a message.  The man called my number back and through further conversations, I found out he is a Christian AND a pastor.  The entire time the mover and his team was moving me, we all had the most amazing conversations.  He was preaching to my new neighbors and Heather before it was all over.  Anyone who crossed his path ended up learning more about Jesus. He ended up only charging me $500 for the move, and I am sure God laughed at my doubt!

My health has continued to be very good.  The only problem I have had is that I took a nasty fall while in downtown Fort Wayne in October and almost broke my ribs.  I literally tripped over my own feet!  I was just recovering from an asthma flare (which is normal in the fall for me) so post-injury coughing was brutal.  When I fell I didn’t realize how badly I was hurt until I got to work and felt dizzy.  The clinic staff was lining up for our annual flu shots, and a patient service rep took one look at me and made me sit down.  The next thing I knew a nurse came to check my pupils, another checked my blood pressure, and another bandaged my ankle that I somehow cut during the fall.  Someone else even picked leaves out of my hair!  I was able to see a doctor at the clinic that same day, and no bones were broken.

The pain ebbed and flowed, and I doing quite well for a while.  I was even able to visit my dear friends Dave and Jan Esch, friends from Cedar Campus, for a weekend.  However, in the following days I was in so much pain I went for x-rays and pain medicine.  I was physically limited and in pain when I tried to carry something or go up and down stairs and even driving using my right arm.  I had continued to see my chiropractor and at my first exam we noticed how swollen my back, arm, and chest was.  My right shoulder looked as though someone hit it with a baseball bat.  Even though I have health insurance at my new job, it is not as good as I have had in the past.  So I have more medical bills…sigh…but I have always with God’s help worked that out in the past.  The good news is that I am much improved even though my family doctor said that it could take 6 months for the ribs to completely heal.

During the move and the injury, feelings of discontent crept in.  Being hurt, I struggled with the last of the unpacking, with soaking in the bathtub and getting stuck (I couldn’t move due to the pain), with trying to hang pictures and shelves.  I remember crying out to God for a helpmate…not a husband or a serious relationship…just a helpmate.  After all I have been through and at this season of self-confidence in my life, with Jesus' help I am a force to be reckoned with….so I wondered if the ongoing pain and the discontent were spiritual attack.  Through this discontentment, I foolishly re-connected with a man I had previously dated, and it just didn't work out (more about that later).

So I continue on enjoying my job, participating in church activities and a Bible study, and adjusting to an empty nest.  This article does a great job explaining what it is like to go through the empty nest season as a single parent. 

 "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus," Phillipians 4:9.

God's Stunning and Unexpected Provision

In my last post I shared that I had returned to work in December after two weeks off due to the enormous stress I was experiencing.  To be honest, I went back to work far sooner than I should have due to the fact that I was out of paid sick time.  I was very concerned about my finances even though the company had me apply for disability pay.  I did receive pay for the entire time I was off, but pending the disability claim I was in a position where I could have possibly owed the company over $1400 if the claim did not get approved.  I filed the claim and stashed away as much as I could to cover the potential hit to my household finances and unwisely returned to work.

I did not truly realize until the end of February that I went back to work way too soon.  I had not recovered at all, but I kept foolishly relying on my own self-sufficiency.  Even with my doctor required "reduced hours" of 50-53 hours a week I was struggling immensely.  

My sinful foolishness came to light when I participated in a women's Discipleship Walk retreat at the end of February, sponsored by The Chapel, a Fort Wayne church.  My ostomy surgeon and her surgery scheduler have become precious friends in Christ, and the previous fall they both encouraged me to attend....so I registered not knowing that in God's amazing timing, He had incredible soul and heart work to do in me by the time I attended.  

At the retreat I had amazing roommates and new friends with whom I laughed and cried with all weekend.  They had eye-opening, unbiased perspective and advice.  One of my roomates asked how much sick pay I had left, and I realized at the beginning of 2018 I had earned an additional six weeks with this year's benefits.  Throughout the weekend, God used the retreat discussions, study, and workshops along with my new-found friends, my roommates, my study group, and my study leader to make me realize I needed to take at least some of that well-earned time off to handle my increased depression and anxiety.  My roomates even role-played with me to rehearse my discussion with my work medical department nurse when I went to work the following Monday.

During the weekend, God told me for the umpteenth time that my call to my job had ended.  In my fear over finances and the loss of job-security, I stupidly had ignored God for far too long.  Even my counselor repeatedly tried to advise me to leave my job, but I was simply too afraid to leave and forfeit my severance package without another job in place.  Throughout the weekend, I realized that I had allowed myself to become a person I did not recognize.  I wept when I realized that in my stubborn efforts to stick it out, I had gone into an emotional survival mode.  I was stuck...emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially....or so I thought.  In a stunning vision during a time of prayer, I saw my self literally chained to my desk at work...and God marched in and broke the chains with an ax...and the walls of the building fell down.  I was free!  Free from my disobedience and free from my fear.

The following Monday I went to work, not having a clue how this was all going to work out.  I went straight to our medical department and shared with my company nurse about my depression and anxiety.  She took great compassion on me and confirmed what my new friends were all praying for...that I needed to take medical time off.  She lead me to a private office so I could make the appropropriate phone calls to our employee assistance program, and then I literally walked out of the building.  I was in a daze.  I got home and called my psychiatrist, and he miraculously had an appointment that very day.  The rest of the day went by in a haze.

My daughter Heather had just headed back to her dad's house for the next two weeks, and I was grateful for the time alone.  I literally slept most days the first two weeks.  I was absolutely exhausted and simply had no energy for the smallest task.

Throughout Heather's and my health issues we have adopted The Spoon Theory to manage our energy level and to communicate it to each other and others as needed.  The Spoon Theory is a metaphor used to explain the reduced amount of  energy available for activities for daily living and productive tasks that may result from disability or chronic illness...a person who runs out of spoons has no choice but to rest until his or her spoons are replenished.  The Spoon Theory applies to mental illness too.  I was very aware of what spoons I had each day....and in the beginning of my time off I did not have very many spoons in a given day at all, and I literally fasted from the world.

I continued to meet with my psychiatrist and counselor to make necessary medicine changes, and as I felt better would get out and about a little more...but always watching how much physical and emotional energy I had.  In later weeks I was able to travel out of town with Heather for a two-day robotics competition and also see her through an outpatient surgery to remove a cyst from her back.  Her recovery and post-op care was much more difficult than expected, and she has ended up permanently at my house for the time-being.  She was in recovery all of spring break and missed an entire week of school.  She returned to school for 1/2 days and then returned to full days.  I rested as much as possible when she was at school in order to be able to help her as needed when she came home for the day.

Surprisingly, I did have days when I did have a lot of energy.  On those days, I worked with a friend who works at her own human resources firm to update my resume.  She charged me no fees, and she even helped me network and connected my with some important contacts, one of which ended up getting me a phone interview at a local healthcare organization, Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc., the very organization that I used as the basis for my MBA Healthcare Administration thesis!


 Immediately at the end of the phone interview I was offered an opportunity for an in-person interview!  I was out of sick time and recovered and would need to return to work the following Monday.  I had no idea what God was doing regarding the interview and during much of the time I was off, but I was prepared to resign from my current job and take money from a retirement account until I could find another job.

I had the in-person interview at the clinic on Friday, April 6, and returned to work on Tuesday, April 10.  Then I had a job offer on Friday, April 13!  I resigned from my current job on Monday, April 16, and my last day was Friday, April 27.  I started my new job as the Outreach and Enrollment Coordinator for Neighborhood Health Clinics, Inc.. Monday, April 30!

I manage of staff of two people as well as several volunteers to coordinate the center's insurance enrollment process as people sign up for federal and state health insurance options as well as working outreach efforts for the clinic in medically underserved areas.  In the past several weeks I have assisted people from all walks of life in enrolling in insurance, in understanding their medical bills, and in navigating the healthcare system.

I still cannot believe the incredible God-given provision.  Who would have thought that when I started work on my project last September that God would orchestrate its use in getting me a new job doing something I absolutely love!?  And there is so much more to share, it is unbelievable.

When I returned to my old job after my sick time, I was given a raise and the entire year's raise was given to me in a lump sum...so $800 arrived in my bank account.  I was also told that the company had underpaid me for some overtime...and because I still likely owed the company money from my disability claim denial I then owed the company $234.  Days later, I won the disability denial appeal, and a check for over $1400 came in the mail!  I was even offered a considerable raise to take the job at the clinic!  I was able to use the money to pay off all my medical bills, replace my dying phone, and help Heather with some things she needed.  And shortly after I resigned, my former co-workers were told that their layoff date had been delayed again...further confirmation that getting out was the right move for me.

My  new job is a short 15-minute drive from my house (my previous job was over 30 minutes away).  I work 8-5 with an hour for lunch every day, and I have flex-time if I need to take care of personal appointments.  I walk at lunch for exercise, and I am able to work out at the gym 2-3 times a week.  To say I feel great is an understatement!  I have joyfully celebrated Amy's graduation from Purdue and Heather's graduation from high school.  I have had time to catch up with friends for Saturday breakfasts, pedicures, and evenings at Two EE's Winery.  I have been participating in my church's MeNu free weekly outreach meal by reading to the children who attend and will soon begin helping in our church's garden with the harvest being given to the MeNu participants this fall.

Who knew when I obediently took time away from the job that was killing me that God would provide for me so abundantly?  God continues to speak to me through daily Bible study and prayer.  On my last day of work during my Bible reading time, I "discovered" this verse.  God so obviously is working in my life, and I am content and completely satisfied relying on His will at last!

P.S. A Raise!?! 6/24/18
On Saturday 6/24/18 I receive a letter in the mail from my employer.  Naturally, I was curious about it, so I opened it right away.  I was shocked and stunned to learn that the board of the company had done a salary analysis across the organization recently because the board wanted to ensure that all pay levels were competitive....and I received a raise!

Family 2017 Update/Prayer Requests

I am away alone at an AirBnB for a much needed time of retreat, silence, prayer, and writing.  The previous months have been filled with a great deal of stress and joys, and our holiday season was extremely busy with its own ups and downs.  I also will not be able to get away for an extended time due to work responsibilities.  As a result, I have responded to God's compelling call for retreat.


Stephen and Jenna were married in July, and prior to the wedding Heather and I headed to Cedar Campus for a short vacation.  Amy was working on Cedar Campus' summer crew so we were able to get her home for the wedding.  Taking Heather's senior pictures was a highlight of our vacation, but she only tolerated a few pictures as she was anxious to spend as much time as possible on her favorite activity...sailing!
While on crew, Amy earned her lifeguarding
certification and spent many, many hours
getting boats ready for the summer.  She even did some sewing repairs on the sail of one of Heather's favorite boats, determined to get it out of storage and in the water for Heather.  Amy is completing her wildlife/biology degree at Purdue University in the spring and hopes to find wildlife preservation work.  She has been dating a wonderful young man who is a pre-pharmacy/biology major from California.  He also graduates from Purdue in the spring, and he hopes to return to California for pharmacy school.  It will be exciting to see how their future unfolds.

Heather's health has immensely improved after some misdiagnoses, several ER visits, a cyst on her back, and fibromyalgia issues.  The cyst will have to be surgically removed during her upcoming spring break, but we anticipate no issues.

After missing almost 90 days of school during her first three years of high school due to chronic illness, I am happy to report that she has missed only two days this year!  She earned an almost perfect score on her ACT, and she is doing amazingly well in her classes.  She decided to take a weight training/agility class this year, and it has had a stunning impact on her overall mental and physical health.  She is planning to study computer science and meteorology at Purdue next year and work on Cedar Campus crew this summer.  She has also applied to the University of Illinois.

Stephen's and Jenna's wedding was a Christ-centered, joyful family event.  They love breakfast food so they decided to have an untraditional reception (which was so much their style) with quiche, fruit, and yogurt parfaits with coffee cake for the wedding cake.  After their Costa Rica honeymoon, the returned to Lexington, Kentucky where Jenna is a 6th grade science teacher in a Christian school and where Stephen is completing his graduate work at the University of Kentucky.  In the spring, he will begin applying for a year of internship in his psychology work with school-aged children and teens.



On December 17, I graduated with my MBA in Healthcare Administration with a 3.92 GPA!  The work to the end was exhausting, particularly since I have been working so much.  It is a great relief to be done, and I am sincerely proud of my work.  It is my hope that as I approach my layoff date of June 30, that I will be able to find a job as a patient advocate/navigator.  Prayers are needed for God's timing and help in finding the right location.  I am willing to move; however, I may need to remain in Indiana if Heather attends Purdue University so she can benefit from in-state tuition.


I continue to be in good health except for a few minor issues.  I thank God every day for my ostomy as it has radically changed my health and my life for the better.  I had no idea how sick I was until I wasn't sick anymore!  I have been able to go camping, bike riding, walking, and hiking!


I do however, need great prayers regarding my job.  This past summer and fall I began working 60-hour weeks, including Saturdays, as well as traveling to Mexico once a month to train my replacement.  Even if I fly into Fort Wayne at 8 p.m. on a Friday night, I am still expected to put 8 hours in at the office on Saturday.  I want to make it clear that I have no problem with my employer moving to Mexico and with training my replacement.  God is bigger than all that, and I have been able to share Jesus with my counterpart whom I am training.  It is the staggering expectations that I am floundering under as the transition has not gone as quickly or as smoothly as planned, which has led to an enormous, impossible workload.

I eventually crashed under the stress of work, school, and lack of sleep.  So much so that my HR manager and department lead recognized that I was not myself, which resulted in almost two weeks off work.  Two contracted employees quit while I was out, and there were many rumours floating about.  Thankfully, it all turned out to be nothing, and I learned that I desperately needed that break.  I am grateful that the company saw my value and wanted to help me.  What is sad is the fact that it took until someone broke for them to realize they are breaking people.

While I was off I met with my counselor and psychiatrist, got plenty of rest, exercised, spent time with friends, and finished my schoolwork.  I won't lie...there were some very tough days when I was absolutely devastated by the anxiety about work.  It took me over a week to not wake up in the morning having nightmares about work and my heart pounding out of my chest.

Upon my return, some of my responsibilities had been moved to other co-workers, and they are understandably resentful...they continue to work 10 hour days and take work home.  I am under doctor's orders to only work 9 hours a day with a 1/2 hour lunch and 8 hours on Saturday.  I know that seems like a lot, but it is far better than 60+ hours.  I am getting paid overtime, and I am trying to save as much as possible.  I get as much done as I can every day, and at 4:30 p.m. I simply leave.  My counselor has gently reminded me that even if my peers work 60+ hours a week, I clearly cannot.

My layoff date moved from this past fall to this coming spring to this June.  I should be grateful as the added time will help me see Heather through her high school graduation, and it allowed me to complete my degree just in  time to be more marketable post-layoff.  Thankfully, I will receive a severance package and some other benefits to help with continuing my health insurance for a time after the layoff.

So great prayer is needed to sustain me in the coming months at work and as I make the transition to other work and to becoming an empty nester.  Please pray for Stephen, Jenna, Amy, and Heather as well.  Stephen's internship most likely will require a move and Jenna finding a new teaching job.  Amy needs prayer transitioning from college to work, and Heather needs prayer as she prepares for college.  We are all at a crossroads, which scares them at times and excites me.  I can't wait to see how God works it all out in His amazing timing.

All of the kids were very supportive with Dave's recent wedding to his partner, Brian.  I decided a long time ago that it takes far less energy to live in grace and forgiveness than in bitterness and hate.  We still celebrate family events together, although this year was tough...not tough due to their marriage but tough as most of the adulting fell on me.

At the last moment due to a nasty flu bug in their household and due to their unexpected work obligations, I ended up having Heather an extra two weeks, buying all the presents, wrapping them with the girls' help, and hosting Christmas (with a clogged kitchen sink that required the Christmas meal mess be hand washed in the bathroom tub!)  To top it off, I photographed their small wedding, which turned out to be a little harder that I expected...but I made it through...only to have my car hit in the church parking lot.  It was for sure a comedy of errors, and by the time it was all over, I was done adulting...which why today is a pajama day in a cozy loft apartment with everything provided that I could possibly need and even things I did not know I would need.

Isn't that just like God to provide what we need and what we didn't even know we were going to need?  The morning of Dave's and Brian's wedding, I opened my Bible and randomly (maybe not so randomly?) found this very fitting verse in Isaiah.  We are all traveling on unfamiliar paths that God promises to guide us through with His compelling light, and He promises to make the way smooth and will not forsake us on that path.  I can't think of a better frame of mind and heart to start 2018!

Thank you my beloved friends for your prayers and encouragement.  I feel God's power every single day as I am "surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses" (Hebrews 12:1).

I am now 5 months post-ostomy surgery and am doing well.  I am participating in an ostomy support group at our local hospital, and it is time of great encouragement with new-found friends of all ages and backgrounds.  Soon I will participate in peer counseling training with the United Ostomy Association of America (UOAA) to guide others going through similar surgeries.  I've been in physical therapy, and I am back on my bike and out walking and doing yoga as often as I can.

The exercise is, of course, good for me, and it also is a great stress reliever for all that is going on at my job.  My pending layoff will be sometime September-December, and I will receive a 60-day notice.  Once I am laid off I will be working with WorkOne, our state employment office, to determine the best use of government-funded benefits for displaced American workers along with the best use of my company severance package.

Our workload is immense, although that will likely dwindle when more work transfers out.  Our team has no idea how and whom and when each of us will be laid off.  While this is difficult, most of of have a great spirit of teamwork and get along well.  My co-workers and I are struggling with a particular situation, and I would greatly appreciate your prayers. God knows the details, and for me to divulge anymore would be simply gossip, so please pray as you are led.

I have a great opportunity to show extraordinary servanthood in the face of these many obstacles.  Many of my friends outside of work are extremely concerned about my work load and long hours...my response is to not comment about the difficulties, but instead I ask for prayer for wisdom and a servant heart.  Why give power to the negative situations by speaking of them?  I can't change the difficult situations, but I can change my response and my mindset to them.  I complete my MBA in Public Health Administration in December, 2017, and Heather graduates from high school in June, 2018, so I am simply forging ahead and trusting God's timing for new employment.

Heather is feeling much better...thank you Jesus! We discovered no further problems with her heart and discovered a misdiagnosis of narcolepsy.  She is off all fibromyalgia and narcolepsy medication, and she recently completed three weeks of summer P.E.  She has finally embraced the fact that low-impact exercise helps her fibromyalgia immensely.  Like all diabetics, she is frequently in contact with her doctor to make necessary insulin adjustments.  It is frustrating at times for her for sure, but it is a frustration that we can live with...after all, in another place and time her health situation would be far more serious.  I thank God everyday for her dad's great health insurance and access to health care.  Is that likely to change given the current healthcare landscape?  Probably.  Changes that are coming may affect me as well.  However, I choose to not live in fear and remain confident in God's provision.

In the midst of all of this stuff of life, a dear and beloved friend of mine lost her teenage son in a car accident recently.  I took time off work to attend the viewing and the funeral.  My friend's and her family's strength and trust in God's beloved plan for them have been amazing.  There were so many people at the Christ-filled viewing that I waited four hours in line to see her.  Their family's spiritual impact on the their community was so evident.

My friend is a rock for sure, and I would not be where I am as a Christian without her discipleship of my stubborn heart in high school and throughout college and beyond.  I am in communication with her and with her husband through texts and phone calls, and when the time is right, will visit.  I pray that I can be used to sustain them in the tough moments, weeks, months, and years ahead.

In recent months I have also ministered to a friend whose young adult daughter died from a brain tumor, prayed for my brother-in-law who has miraculously gone into remission for pancreatic cancer, ministered to my physical therapist whose wife is undergoing brain surgery for a non-cancerous tumor who will likely face a lifetime of surgeries as the tumor will return, and prayed for and supported a beloved couple dealing with the devastating effects of Stage 4 melanoma.  It all makes my pending unemployment and a new ostomy minimal trials for sure.

My prayer is that these trials will bring me, my precious Heather, and my beloved friends to the Healer of our souls.  This amazing testimony says it all!