Monday, September 3, 2012

It has been a while since I have posted as I have been very busy with my new job.  As a purchasing analyst I am in charge of purchasing and maintaining the stock of many, many items used in the manufacturing plant where I am working.  I am learning about all of the raw materials and developing business relationships with over 50 different suppliers.  

I am learning how to use a huge data base that tracks supplies, work orders and work in progress as I determine whether or not we need to purchase a certain commodity at any given time.  I also am analyzing current suppliers and comparing them with potential suppliers to determine ways to save money.  Soon I will also be working on some grant writing for what my supervisors and I hope will lead to funds for workforce development.  It is a lot of responsibility and my days are very hectic, but I really like it.  

As I look back on the past year, I have been given a new perspective on what I thought was a dry, unproductive spell in my life.  While the year seemed long as I looked and looked for a job, it was during that year I was given time to heal and get back on my feet.  All the time that I thought God was not hearing my pleas for a job, He was using that time to help me recover emotionally, physically and spiritually.  As some of you may recall, I had major colon surgery June 13 of last year; Dave filed for divorce in June; and I moved out mid-July--more than enough stress!

Last year I also had a short work day and was off during all of the kids' holiday breaks, so I was more available to them when they really needed me.  They, too, were adjusting to the the divorce and living between two houses.

Needless to say, a year ago...even six months ago...I was in no shape to take on the work responsibility that I have now.  Now in retrospect I see what God was doing...He had not forgotten me...He did hear my pleas and prayers...He still had me in the palm of His hand.  In my stubborn way I refused to see what He was was if He pushed a "pause" button on my life to give me time to catch my breath.  I have been fervently reminded that "My times are in your (God's) hands..." Psalm 31:15a.

That being said, I have yet another hurdle to overcome.  Dave has decided that he wants the kids to know that he is gay.  I pushed for him to tell them the truth last year, and he refused to do it.  Consequently, Amy blamed me for the divorce and treated me rather brutally.  She has since done a complete turn around, and she has asked to live with me all the time.  She is beginning to see a lot of Dave's flaws, and she is very frustrated with him.  While I would welcome her, I don't think being with me full time is in her best interest....her relationship with Dave is a very important one, and she doesn't realize that right now.

Dave and I have an appointment on October 6 with his counselor to discuss the best way to handle this situation.  I was afraid he was going to push to tell them right before Stephen left for IU-Bloomington in August, and I didn't want him to drop that on Stephen at that time.  Then Dave discussed Christmas as an option, but I didn't think that was a good time either.  I am pushing for the week of Thanksgiving...the kids will all be with me that week, and Stephen has the entire week off.

Dave's reasons for wanting to tell them is as he says, "I am ready to move on with my life."  When I asked him if it meant he would be bringing home people for the kids to meet, he said, "Yes."  Gay or not, I don't think the kids should be exposed to our significant others until things are pretty serious.  I cautioned Dave about this and asked that he not parade all of his "first dates" in front of the kids.

I am sick with worry about how this is going to affect this kids.  I have no way of preparing them for this, except to cover them in prayer...which I am doing daily.  Please, please, please be in prayer for my beloved children...that God would protect them and their relationship with Dave.  Regardless of his sexual orientation, he is still their father.  

And somehow in this mess, I must be their mother.

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